What’s your sign? Well, I’m a horny fish!

Posted on January 15, 2011 by purrrentice

Hi, All. Before I delve into this week’s fridge poem, I have to discuss the recent news about astrological signs changing. I know. I know. Since we adopted the seasonal, Westernized zodiac (rather then the Eastern one that is based on constellations and the earth’s rotation around the sun), it hasn’t really changed, but before I knew about this, I immediately did some research, to investigate my astrological self and kill an hour on a boring Friday afternoon at my desk (My poem was already written and done). I was born on April 5th, making me an Aries. I could always relate to certain aspects of the sign, but I never felt like a true Aries. Then I found out I could actually be a Pisces.

Aries are fiery, super assertive, sexually charged(to the point of promiscuity sometimes) leaders. Aries can be pretty self-centered and don’t follow others well. They are very in-your-face and energetic. On the other hand, Pisces are gentle, generous, intuitive, sensitive and understanding of others around them, and creative. They are very submissive and hate to lead. They are dreamers. Apparently, they are not very sexual. The funniest part about the description was that a Pisces would be a wonderful and happy receptionist!!!!!!!!! For real?!  Well, that part’s waaaaay off, but I feel like I can take chunks of both of these to properly describe myself! I’m not fiery, but I’m energetic. I’m sexually intimate, but I’m not some crazy sex bandit. I am intuitive and aware of people around me, very accepting of all walks of life. I like to lead, but I can follow, too. I have healthy self-esteem, but I’m not self-centered. I dream a lot. Therefore, I am not an Aries, nor am I a Pisces. Since I was raised as one and possibly born as another, I feel like I’ve become a half-breed. I guess that makes me a narwhal or a horny fish?

What's your sign, Prentice? I'm a f!@*ing narwhal!!

HORNY FISH!!!!!!!

Anyways, here is my poem this week. It is a piece about the fridge on a snow day, since we Atlantans were  snowed and iced into our homes all week (actually, I went into work three days this week…grumble.)

Watching Children on an Office Snow Day

Old Man Baking Soda Sat,
Upon his shelf veranda,
much engrossed in gazing at,
Children wrapped in coats and hats.

There stood sweet Miranda,
playing in the freezer snow,
with her sister grape, Amanda.
To him, this scene seemed propaganda.

To see young Jeremy Jello,
and Snickerdoodle Steve,
throw snowballs as they bellow,
forewarning to foodstuff fellows.

These children, so naïve,
so blissfully unaware,
soon enough will be deceived,
and forced then to bereave and grieve.

Of cheery cherries and playful pears,
the old man could not understand,
why in a fridge world so unfair,
these beings did not find despair.

Suddenly, he felt the hand,
of a tiny, cheddar child.
She held his hand and said “Old Man,”
“Why so sad? Today is grand!”

Old Man Baking Soda smiled,
as a tear slid down his cardboard cheek.
Of all the misery his mind compiled,
he forgot moments like these that leave him beguiled.

Though he lives-on week after week,
and is always left behind,
by friends and foes, by limes and leeks,
by wasted youth, and salads Greek,

The man forgot to keep in mind,
he can’t avenge them tit for tat,
but they wouldn’t want him so resigned,
in a world with wonders undefined.

 

Posted in aries, blogging, epic fail, horoscope, narwhal, office, pisces, poetry, reading, receptionist, refrigerator, sharks, shenanigans, snow day, writing | 2 Comments

Fridge Reading on a Snow Day

Posted on January 11, 2011 by purrrentice

I want to apologize to all eleven of you who read my blog and the 1 or 2 who may have been waiting for Friday’s post. I was traumatized by the fridge this week, and then I got busy; and then the snow came; and I kinda stopped caring for a second. I mean, I had video games to play and a bathroom to paint. Let’s not forget I had to build a snowman! Excuses, excuses! Well, I decided during snow day #2, I should make it up to you.

So, this week it was decided that I must clean Marketing and Product Development’s mini fridge in the tiny break room. Somebody else was supposed to be responsible for it, but when things got lazy, they got nasty. And when things got bio-hazardous, I was called-in to clean it. Remember when your parents or other adults were like “Stay in school, or you’ll end-up cleaning-up after people for a living?” Ummmmm…lies.

Ironically, I did Hamlet’s Soliloquy for my poem this week, and I think the trials and tribulations of cleaning that disgusting mini fridge are in themselves a proper illustration of administrative anguish and maddness:

Fridgelet’s Soliloquy

Yes, the freezer is so overtaken by ice and dingy frost that two frozen meals are stranded back there, in an avalanche of laziness. I don't even know where to begin on cleaning this....so I don't plan to.

To clean, or not to clean: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the fridge to suffer
The stink and festering of outrageous leftovers
Or to take arms against shelves full of troubles,
And by opposing end them?—To not,—to cease,—
No more; and by cease  to say I stop cleaning-out
The heartache, and the thousand unnatural shocks
That the receptionist is heir to,—’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To stop,—to cease;—
To cease: perchance chore free:—ay, there’s the rub;
For in ceasing to clean what nightmares may come,
When I have shuffled off this administrative coil,
Must give me pause: there’s the dilemma
That makes calamity of cleaning the fridge;
For who would bear the chips and scones and limes,
The oppressor’s take-out, the proud man’s Lunchables,

I don't know what this was, but it was sticky and smelled like rotten eggs. I wiped it with windex. Gag.

The pangs of despis’d laziness, the receptionist’s delay,
The insolence of the office, and the spurns
That patient merit of  uneaten snacks,
When I myself might my refusal make
With a simple “Nay?” who would these fardels bear,To grunt and sweat above a weary trash can,
But that the dread of something after saying “No.,”—
The unemployed country, from whose bourn
No employee returns,—puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution

It took two trash cans to empty this beast. I had never seen so much expired yogurt in my life!

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought;
And office refrigerators of great pith and moment,
With this regard, my currents turn awry,
And I clean the fridge anyways.

 

As an added bonus this week, I am pleased to show you my first reading. I call it a Jammie Fridge Poem Reading, because I did it in my PJs next to my fridge. It really sucks, like really really bites, so I hope you appreciate it’s silliness and delightful production value, wardrobe and makeup. I’m sure there will be more of these to come.



 

 

Posted in blogging, chores, dramatic monologue, epic fail, jammies, office, poetry, reading, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, soliloquy, writing | 4 Comments

Dramatic Monologue: The Fridge’s Resolution

Posted on January 1, 2011 by purrrentice

I feel 2011 is already off to a good start. I won a battle (but not the war) with my most hated task: Inputting time sheets for makeup artists. For the last year and a half or so, I printed the original sheets, logged all the data into TWO different spreadsheets, handed them to payroll, and received copies of the originals to file. Filing these are a pain, and I always wondered what happened to the originals, so I asked last week. The girl told me she filed them. ??? “Then why do I have to file copies, too?” I asked. She didn’t know. It was just the way it was always done. Upon further review, we found out there was no reason for us to file both the originals and copies, so starting next week, I don’t have to file them! Yay me for being assertive! I still have to input them though. Boo.

I also did my personal review portion of the company’s employee evaluation. I swear. The process for evaluations at this company is so inconsistent. Last year my manager first did a pre-evaluation evaluation (yes, that’s what she called it), and then I didn’t even get a real one because of some supposed new policy never listed in the handbook. I’m not going to tell the whole story now. It pisses me off too much. Actually, my manager FORGOT to even tell me about this at all, so I waited until my year milestone, like the handbook (that hasn’t been officially updated since 2007) said to do. Back to my story, I AM getting a review this year, and I get to rank and explain my strengths, weaknesses, career interests, and four behavior objectives that my manager chose for me last year after either the pre-evaluation evaluation or the nonexistant, imaginary one. I went all super assertive on this and made it quite clear that I do a lot of work very well and definitely want to get away from the front desk. I even stapled my professional and acting/music/modeling resumes on the back to remind them I’m not stupid and without skills. I don’t think anything will come of this, but it felt good to write all those honest and mostly positive things about myself, especially in a career-driven context.

Of course, I planned to do a New Year’s Eve song/poem today, but I already used Auld Lang Syne  last year (I don’t have that song on file at home, so I’ll add it on Tuesday.). So this week, I decided to do a dramatic monologue. I was the best of my peers at this poetic form in my poetry class.  I have a good voice for easy, natural, conversational writing. I found the piece from class buried in my documents file! Check it out:

The Old Cat Lady

By Prentice Osborne

Well, good morning, Miss Molly,
Florence and Fanny.
How are you ladies today?
I’m just fine, thank you.
You girls look lovely this morning.
You know, back in my day
I was quite a looker myself.
Had boys lining up
for a chance to take me out.
And that one blue dress I had.
Golly. I looked good—
Okay. Alright.
I know you’re hungry.

 
Oh. There’s Tom Tom, Tiger,
Charlie and Abigail.
Here you go. Breakfast is served.
Now I’m going to step out and—
Yes, I know, Señor Whiskers.
I shouldn’t be smoking.
Wow. It looks like a party in that kitchen.
You know, I used to sneak out
and go to parties in my day.
I’d dance with the girls all night long.
Had boys lining up
for a chance to dance with me—

Ah. Hello, Mr. Mittens.
You’re such a handsome young man.
You know, my husband was quite handsome.
He swept me off my feet. That’s for sure.
We used to go dancing together,
and I would dance in his arms all night long.
Then we would talk about everything and share a cigarette
as we walked home.
He was so smart and so fun.
It still seems unfair
that he died in the war—
Aww. Don’t be sad for me,
Mr. Mittens—

Did you see that, Boots and Belle?
Those kids ruined my flower bed again.
Tomorrow we can spend the afternoon together
fixing it, but not today.
Don’t you remember? It’s Thursday.
The girls and I are playing bridge today.
Or was it Pony Tail? It doesn’t matter,
as long as Tabitha brings the Bloody Marys—
Oh. Here’s Lilly, Mittie,
and Mr. Kiddleywinkumpoops.
I’ll go ahead and feed you, too,
but I can’t entertain you all day.
I have important things to do,
like drink, gossip, smoke and play cards

 

And without further ado, here is your New Year’s Eve present: A fridge monologue…

The Fridge’s Resolution

Illustrated by the fabulous Joie Brown

…It’s New Year’s Eve.
Looking back, last year was a mess,
but it’s not my fault,
because I’m just the fridge,
sitting in an office break room.

I mean, I can’t help it,
that people put food in me,
intending to be thrifty and healthy,
and eat a lunch from home,
but don’t.
I understand.
Going-out is much more fun,
or so I’ve heard,
but how would I know?
I’m just a fridge.
It’s not like I ever leave this breakroom.

At least it’s Friday,
so the receptionist will come by around 1:45,
tickle my ribs,
and free me of all this junk.
I don’t envy her for that,
though I don’t envy myself either,
for having to watch it decompose for over a week.
She took time off,
and when she’s away,
things get nasty real fast.
Seriously, look at this moldy hummus!
And this questionable salad,
that had to be wilted when it arrived,
or so I hope.
Otherwise that means,
I’m broken.

If I could make a resolution for the new year,
I suppose it would be,
to be clean,
but I really have no control over that,
since I’m just I’m just the fridge,
sitting in an office break room.

 

 

 

Posted in blogging, dramatic monologue, epic fail, holidays, inspiration, kitties, new years eve, office, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, writing | 4 Comments

Mr. Socks

Posted on December 29, 2010 by purrrentice

I hope everybody had a super magical and fabulous Christmas. I sure did. This was without a doubt the best Christmas I’ve ever had in my adult life. It was the first white Christmas in Georgia since 1882, and I spent the whole day at ONE place, not two places or two places and then work. I gave my brother a Troll 2 themed present, including a double-decker bologna sandwich, and his pure shock/joy made my day. My parents also have BBC, so I was able to watch the Dr. Who Christmas special by a roaring fire after playing in the snow and opening presents! Wow. Just wow.

I’ve been slacking-off with this blog as of late. Bad, Prentice! Well, today and part of last week, I worked on my list of agencies/publishers to send my children’s book series.  That makes-up for it, right? Anyways, I have my basic query letter ready, though it will need tweaking for each mailing, and I now know what to send to each business. All I need to do is finish revising a manuscript, put everything together and bug Joie about her illustration, and out the queries will go! Hopefully this book won’t get 12+ rejections, like my novel.

What is this kids’ book I speak of? Well, no surprise here. It’s about a cat, a real cat. His name is Mr. Socks, and he has been a muse (mews! get it?!) for me since college. He is the most fly feline I know. Just look at him and tell me you wouldn’t want to read a million books about him to your kids before bedtime.

Mr. Socks has a way of getting into the funniest scenarios, and he always has this vacant expression on his face, like he’s totally oblivious to and uninterested in what’s going on around him. He is probably one of the most photogenic cats I’ve ever met, and he has this nonchalant, manly yet quirky vibe about him. I love Mr. Socks.

I always wanted to write books about him for children, and I don’t remember what inspired me to finally do it. Perhaps boredom at work or a desperate need to express myself? Well, I’ve written six of them so far. They are all rhyming ballads. When Mr. Sock’s family leaves the house, they think he’s just going to sleep in his favorite chair while they are gone, but little do they know that their cat actually goes on all kinds of crazy adventures (usually by happenstance), from a dance school to a pirate ship to the circus to France! The sky (and beyond…he goes to space in one of them) is the limit for Mr. Socks, but he always makes it home and into his chair before his family gets home. Here is a sketch Joie did to get a feel for drawing and painting Mr. Socks.

Mr. Socks's family thinks he sleeps at home all day, but guess what Mr. Socks did while his family was away...

Joie really does great work, and I can’t wait to see the preview piece she does to accompany the books. Once I finalize a manuscript sometime this week, I will post a sample, so you can bask in the glory of Mr. Socks and his shenanigans. Promise.

Posted in blogging, Childrens' books, Christmas, gangsta, holidays, Illustrator, inspiration, kitties, Mr. Socks, poetry, published, receptionist, shenanigans, Uncategorized, writing | 1 Comment

The Twelve Days of Fridgemas

Posted on December 21, 2010 by purrrentice

I did not do a fridge song last Friday because I called-in sick. It was one of those daunting, icky weeks, and by Friday, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave my house and go to that desk. Oh well, at least I had one last sick day to use, and I can recycle the unused fridge song!  Taking the day off also gave Joie more time to complete a delicious illustration for the piece. Woot! I decided to do a Christmas song. The office is starting Christmas break on Thursday, but I’m using my extra day off (the prize day I won from getting people to join the Pur Minerals fan page. Yes, I won. Thanks!) tomorrow. I’m going to see Miss Joie! I can’t wait to hang with her again, and soon we will finish details on a children’s book we are making. I’ll discuss more on that later. Anyways, I’m cleaning the fridge today, and here is the song:

The Twelve Days of Fridgemas

On the first day of Fridgemas somebody left for me…A ball of something sticky!

On the second day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the third day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the fourth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the fifth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the sixth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the seventh day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the eighth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 8 moldy milkshakes, 7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the ninth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 9 soggy fish sticks, 8 moldy milkshakes,  7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the tenth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 10 drinks a leaking, 9 soggy fish sticks, 8 moldy milkshakes, 7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the eleventh day of Fridgemas somebody left for me… 11 pizza slices, 10 drinks a leaking, 9 soggy fish sticks, 8 moldy milkshakes,  7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

On the twelfth day of Fridgemas somebody left for me…12 dingy drumsticks, 11 pizza slices, 10 drinks a leaking, 9 soggy fish sticks, 8 moldy milkshakes,  7 prawns a rotting, 6 cheese decaying…5 onion rings! 4 frozen dinners, 3 soup cans, 2 rubber gloves? And a ball of something sticky!

Posted in blogging, chores, Christmas, holidays, Illustrator, office, receptionist, refrigerator, reindeer, shenanigans, writing | Leave a comment

Bah Humbug! We’re Doing Hanukkah This Week!

Posted on December 11, 2010 by purrrentice

So, it only took a day or so for work to kill my Christmas buzz. Today was crazy and stupid, and it left me feeling a severe case of the Bah Humbugs. I didn’t go to business school, but I believe you can judge how your company is doing by comparing each year’s Christmas party to previous shindigs. Some super-expensive, business model textbook has got to back-me-up on this. Anyways, the owners of this company used worked on site and threw fun, banging parties. Two years ago, I hear they rented a club-like place, provided adult beverages and gave money bonuses. Last year, I did not attend the party, due to my boss causing drama and making me cry, but it was a luncheon in our building’s swanky conference center. There was a murder mystery game with prizes, and we got the following day off as a gift. Actually, my manager forgot to call and tell me, so I still came to work, to find nobody there except for a couple customer service reps who came-in in exchange for a comp day. I helped IT solve an issue in the server room through the magic of cell phones and watered the plants before leaving.

 

This year was a total bust. First off, I spent all day yesterday building Christmas gift boxes that our company owner wanted to send to his associates. I had to package and tie ribbons to 35 parcels of product valued at at least $250 each. All our freelance makeup artists also got a nice gift. Let us not forget the 140+ cards I addressed and the 500+ I postmarked and sent out, many to the same address multiple times, others to addresses that apparently do not exist and get sent back to the office.  Our party was not a party. It was our regular, monthly, town hall meeting with pizza and soda. The two cool execs who brought White Christmas-tinis had to make fake drinks instead, Fauxtinis, and our gift? Get this. The party was at noon, and at around 12:30, it was announced that we could leave at 2:00 as a gift, so long as ALL our work was done. Seriously? Luckily, I wrote my fridge song early, because I had to ship half of those expensive gifts, order FedEx supplies, sort the mail, clean the fridge, clean-up the party food remains in the break room and water the plants in an hour! Oy vey!

In celebration of not feeling Christmas-y, I will share my belated Hanukkah fridge song. Joie, of course, blew me away yet again with one of her stunning illustrations.

Freezer, Freezer, Freezer
♫ ♪To the song Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel ♫

I have a filthy freezer,
filled with faux fish filets ,
stale soup and spoiled spaghetti,
so I’ll clean it today!

Oh, Freezer! Freezer! Freezer!
In dingy disarray,
at fifteen minutes to five,
I’ll clean-you-out today!

Some people leave their rubbish,
treat you like a trash bin.
If cleaning was a contest,
gold medals we would win!

Oh, Freezer! Freezer! Freezer!
In dingy disarray,
at fifteen minutes to five,
I’ll clean-you-out today!

The freezer’s always frigid.
It loves to store your chow,
until it’s overflowing,
so go get your food now!

Oh, Freezer! Freezer! Freezer!
In dingy disarray,
at fifteen minutes to five,
I’ll clean-you-out today!

 

Posted in blogging, chores, Dreidel, epic fail, Evil, Hanukkah, holidays, inspiration, managers, Music, office, receptionist, shenanigans, writing | 1 Comment

Getting in the Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 8, 2010 by purrrentice

Merry F@*$ing Christmas, Jerkface.

Today has been a mind-numbing day. It hasn’t been bad, but it just won’t end, and my eyes are all dry from this recycled office air. Nonetheless, I’m getting excited about the holidays. This is the best time of year in the office. We get lots of paid time off, compared to other months. There is always some kind of holiday celebration with free food, and I get Christmas cards from vendors who didn’t specify who should receive the card. I suppose they didn’t make their receptionist write all the addresses by hand. Actually, this year I only had to write-out 140-something envelopes, which is way better than the 300+ I did last year. It’s a Christmas Miracle!!

Anyways, here is a fridge song I did last Christmas.

 

 

 

 

Prentice the Rad Receptionist 
(Sung To The Tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

Prentice the Rad Receptionist
Hates to write e-mails in prose.
When it’s time to clean the icebox,
Everyone at  knows

That you have thirty minutes
To claim your Tupperware and treats,
Or Prentice the Rad Receptionist
Will toss away all your good eats!

 On one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
“Yo Prentice! With yo rhymez so tight,”
“Won’t you clean my fridge tonight?”

 Prentice said “Sure thing, Santa!”
As he shouted out with glee! (Whoopie!)
That’s why Prentice the Rad Receptionist,
Will clean the fridge-out at quarter to three!

Posted in blogging, Christmas, Folk Music, holidays, kitties, Music, office, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, reindeer, shenanigans, writing | 3 Comments

Working On My Day Off

Posted on December 4, 2010 by purrrentice

I am on vacation this week! Every Friday last summer, the office got to leave two hours early, except for the customer service team and your’s truly.  In lieu of leaving early, it was decided that we would get comp time to use later. There was a big debate on whether it was worth paying me my normal hourly rate, overtime (because at that time I was scheduled over 40 hours each week), AND two hours of paid time off per Friday so I could sit all by myself for two hours. Well, they decided it was, so I am having a three-day-long summer vacation now, during the first week of December.

It’s been a crazy few days off because I keep getting phone calls from the girl who is now covering me at the front desk. I’m not upset at her though. I know how she feels, and I want to help any way I can. The office is expecting her to do stuff she isn’t supposed to worry about and isn’t trained for. It’s more like I’ve been on call than on holiday, but it’s nice to know that the receptionist is a keystone species in the delicate, corporate, office ecosystem. I’m like that microscopic plankton that nobody thinks about until it’s extinct and all the other animals starve and suffocate in stank water.

Since I wasn’t at work today, the fridge was not cleaned, so obviously there was no fridge cleaning memo. I will, however, still post an old nugget of tidy, literary joy for you, my sweet blog readers, because I like you. Never underestimate the power of the receptionist liking (or not liking) you.

This was one of my bosses, and he decided to take-on a superhero approach to entertain the crazy makeup consultant ladies at conference and get them to book more shows. He even surprised a couple consultants during their shows with enzyme peels, flowers and big, plush muscles.Captain Enzyme really wanted me to help his video get to 5,00 hits. I felt like Pam in that episode of The Office when Michael wants her to cook a few hundred hot dogs for Beach Day in like ten minutes. I personally like Captain Enzyme because he fights the evils of scaly, gross skin with the power of green exfoliation gel. He even gave us free samples. Who couldn’t love that, right? Anyways, the man behind the mask finally decided to ditch the office scene and open his own franchise (Good for him!), and I dedicated the fridge poem on his last day to him, since he was one of my biggest fans. For Captain Enzyme and his alter ego, Tom, I wrote a Pantoum,  a poem of four line stanzas in which the 2nd and 4th lines become the 1st and 3rd of the next, and the last line is often the same as the first.

Captain Enzyme Soars

Captain Enzyme soars,
across the Astral Nation,
one last patrol, as he restores,
smooth skin to all with exfoliation!

In collaboration,
Tom, his alter ego,
books Aloette home celebrations,
to help his franchise grow.

Enzyme’s day was slow,
since Tom took-up the slack,
so he decided to go,
to the break room for a snack.

Prentice was under attack,
held by some monstrous, take-out slime!
Captain Enzyme must fight back,
and defeat the moldy, junk food grime!

Tom came in just the nick of time!
The duo worked their martial arts,
and with both of their powers combined,
they tore that gross, fridge mess apart!

In the sunset the men depart,
and as the leave our office doors,
we keep their spirits in our hearts,
as Tom and Captain Enzyme soar!

 

Posted in blogging, chores, exfoliate, holidays, managers, office, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, superhero, writing | 1 Comment

Competitive Overdrive

Posted on November 29, 2010 by purrrentice

Psyche!!

Have you just been Rickrolled?!

No.

Even worse…

You just got served by the Prentice.

But I DO love kitties!

I have asked nicely for nearly three weeks for anybody and everybody to help me win a luxuirous day off, Hawks tickets and office glory in the form of a company Facebook campaign. Help me! Go to the link below, “LIKE” the Pur Minerals page, enter the contest, and say I sent ya! Jut think, after tomorrow, it’ll all be over, and I won’t do this anymore. Also think of how good you’ll feel to contribute to such a worthy cause (A paid day off for me) and the possibility of lots of free makeup!

 I CAN HAZ DAY OFF?
Link to Pur Facebook

Posted in blogging, chores, gangsta, kitties, office, receptionist, rickroll, sharks, shenanigans | Leave a comment

The Revenge of Terrence

Posted on November 26, 2010 by purrrentice

First off, among all the many things I’m thankful for this year, I am stoked to announce that I have my first legitimate fan that is not my husband or my best friend, somebody completely outside my circle of friends. She messaged me on Facebook, mainly to express her concerns about Reception Perception being so easy to find. She likes my Beauty Blog writings and found this blog with the magic of Google. I heeded her warning, and I have now made Reception Perception a friends only site, so if you actually want to read it, you’ll have to be granted access. It’s like Prentice Premium Membership. Lol.

So, as a post Thanksgiving treat, I’m going to post the fridge memo I sent-out on Wednesday. It’s a sequel to last year’s Turkey Day shenanigans. I saved the original “artwork” for Terrence the disgruntled trash turkey (Sweet Jesus! I love evil hand turkeys) and altered it. I made the line art with my hand and a sharpie, scanned it on the fancy printer at work, resized and decorated each new turkey in Microsoft Paint, printed them, cut them out and glued them to Terrence’s portrait with letter adhesive. Voila!  Let me just say that NONE of this *cough* artwork *cough* had anything to do with Joie Brown, my personal illustrator and best homie. I would not want to tarnish the reputation of her miracles on paper and canvas with the crude  monstrosity that is Terrence and his family.

Spawn of Terrence: Thanksgiving just got dangerous

As many of you may remember, I had an altercation with a very mean Turkey in the break room at this time last year. His name is Terrence the Disgruntled Trash Turkey, and he was so terrible and so hateful that rather than “gobble,” like normal happy turkeys, he says “GRRRBLE!” I had never been so petrified in all my life, especially when I had to throw everybody’s forgotten lunches into his temporary home, the trash can.

 

Well, somehow Terrence found a lady turkey who fancied his evil ways, and the mischievous couple has taken refuge again in our break room garbage until Thanksgiving is over. The plan to not get eaten this year! Even worse, they brought their three deviant children, so the situation this year is even more bleak than last Thanksgiving. I tried to ask them nicely to vacate the premises, but you know how Terrence is. He just chased me halfway across the office screaming “Grrrrble grrble grrrrrrrrbbbbllleee!” I may have to seek therapy to deal with the trauma. He also bit me. I didn’t even know turkeys have teeth!

 

Anyways, please pick-up your leftovers from the fridge before you head out for a lovely Thanksgiving weekend, or else I will have to confront Terrence and his grossly unpleasant family. I fear my mad skills are no match for the wickedness Terrence his wife and three deranged babies have in store for me. I’ll be fighting the flock of terror at 1:45, so please get your food before then!

 

 

 

Posted in blogging, chores, Evil, gangsta, holidays, Illustrator, inspiration, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, Thanksgiving, Turkey, writing | Leave a comment