Terrence the Disgruntled Trash Turkey

Posted on November 24, 2010 by purrrentice

Ahhh snap! It’s almost time to go for a beautiful, glorious, 4-day weekend in the name of Thanksgiving! Even though I made a fridge post just now here at the office, I’m going to show you the post I did last year.

As any of you who knew me in high school know, I’ve had this ongoing joke about evil turkys for a while now. I love trace my hand and make it into a turkey, like we all did in preschool. To spice things up, I give him an evil eyebrow, fangs and sharp talons, and I make him say “GRRRBLE” instead of “Gobble!” Evil Turkey is truly an abomination, and I loved him the moment I made him up. I decided to share the concept with the office in lieu of a poem or song:

GRRRRRRBLE!!!

This is Terrence, the disgruntled trash turkey. He is a very mean turkey. He is so mean that instead of saying “Gobble!” like most happy turkeys, he shrieks “Grrrble!” He has taken temporary refuge in our trash can until Thanksgiving is over. Don’t look for him, for he is not sociable, and he might bite. He is also smelly, probably because he’s in the garbage. This deranged turkey also has fangs and red eyes. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know. He’s some kind of freak of nature.

Even more than company and possibly being eaten, Terrence hates when I have to throw garbage into his house. I know. That’s completely unreasonable. I mean, c’mon! He’s living in a trash can. I would try to reason with him, but he really scares me. I hope he’ll leave soon.

So, before you head home for a long weekend of delicious Thanksgiving dinner, piles of leftovers, holiday shopping, football games and time with family and dear friends, please, please take your food from the fridge with you (By 1:45). I’m begging you. Don’t make me fight Terrence, the disgruntled trash turkey. I’m tough…but not that tough!

Posted in blogging, chores, Evil, holidays, Illustrator, Markers, office, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, Thanksgiving, Turkey, writing | Leave a comment

Say I, The Lyrical Peacock

Posted on November 21, 2010 by purrrentice

I am a Lyrical Peacock! Read my swanky tail feathers!!

According to Kevin from IT, I am a Lyrical Peacock. I forgot how this came about in conversation, but I’ll take the compliment. Not every writer can say they received this exact comparison/compliment, though my goal is to go from Lyrical Peacock to Rhapsodical Eagle…

I am the wind beneath your wings...

Yesterday’s fridge poem struggled to happen. This week has been full of changes and happenings; some good, some bad, but all stressful. My manager at work took an indefinite leave of absence for untold reasons, and the lady temporarily(?) taking her place is changing everything-up. I actually love the new manager because I’ve always enjoyed this lady, and she does not give me heartburn like my previous manager did. The girl who covers me at the front desk quit a week ago, and my back-up chick who covers the front desk is on bed rest. So, I had to train somebody new and pray I can use my last vacation hours. There was then a debate about my remaining hours because the HR department claimed the customer service department and I only received 16 hours of comp time while not getting to participate in summer hours, rather than the 24 that math(2 hours per Friday we didn’t get to go home at 3 times 12 Fridays = 24 hours) and our manager promised. We did win that last day in the end though. Damn right! It sad we had to fight for what was promised to us though. I also had to hand hand address a bunch of company Christmas cards. Ugh. By the end of the week, I was drained. I also felt tired because my lunch was shifted an hour earlier, as a new change to my daily schedule, and it made the afternoon unbearable! I was so uninspired and frownie towns that I almost did not write a fridge memo. Being me though, I forced myself to write one, and the reason I didn’t post this blog on Friday before I clocked-out was because I also forced myself to write a blog article for work about controlling your eating on Thanksgiving. Yay for persevering, but boo to early lunch.

 

Herbert the Homeless Hoagie

Herbert the homeless hoagie,
sat, crying in the rubbish,
and feeling very grubbish.

Five fifteen had come and gone,
and he’d been left behind,
his future undefined.

The garbage can then trembled,
and darkness filled the room,
as Herb fell to his doom.

When the hoagie’s steak eyes opened,
he could not believe his cheese,
to find a food camp filled with refugees!

Deserted desserts, lonely lunches,
forsaken foods, outcast hors d’oeuvres,
and expired strawberry preserves.

They built a community and home,
to live lives of dumpster luxury,
and Herbert heaved a sigh of glee!

Now Herbert’s a happy hoagie,
But you should feel disgraced,
to let such a yummy sandwich go to waste!

 

Posted in blogging, chores, Eagles, Hoagie, holidays, inspiration, managers, office, Peacock, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, writing | 2 Comments

Happy Clean-Out Your Fridge Day!

Posted on November 16, 2010 by purrrentice

In celebration of the momentous holiday…the trashiest fridge song I can find in my archives (Ke$ha was the best(?) thing I could come-up with. Lol).

Fridge-Frock

Here is what happens when you confuse "sell-by date" with "use-by date"...expired icky mess in your fridge.

To Tic-Tok by Ke$ha

Leavin’ every Friday, wavin’ to P-Diddles,
You grab yo stuff, run out the door.
Did you forget yo vittles?
Before you leave, hit da fridge.
Grab that brown paper sack,
Cuz when I throw-out yo lunch it ain’t comin’ back!

 

I’m talking ‘bout this ain’t no quid pro quo,
I’m just working my clean-up flow,
Chunking yo bacon and biscuit dough!
Ya better grab yo jug of sweet tea,
Yo salad and yo fruit and brie brie,
Cuz I’m the Ice Box, tidy-time emcee!

 

So, stop! Grab yo pop,
And that yummy muffin top.
Tonight, I’mma fight,
Off this plight of your delights.
Fridge-frock, check the clock.
Five fifteen’s about drop now.
Oh ooh oh ooh oh oooh!
Oh ooh oh ooh oh oooh!


Posted in blogging, chores, epic fail, gangsta, hip hop, holidays, Ke$ha, Music, office, porno, rap, receptionist, sharks, shenanigans, writing | 1 Comment

Kickin’ it Old School Today

Posted on November 12, 2010 by purrrentice

It’s a good thing my fridge song was inspired by Apple Day last week. My parents and I were listening to a Peter, Paul & Mary album and swore there was a track done by The Mamas & The Papas on the CD. We came to the conclusion at the end that they must have collaborated for that song. Anyways, I then got “California Dreamin'” in my head and wrote the song spoof on Monday, which is good because I had to make 65 gift bags, ship a ton of packages, attend a meeting about blogger outreach and work on those God-forsaken, company Christmas cards (I’ve hand-written almost 50 addresses so far!)!

Joie totally outdid herself this week by creating a less cartoony and more colorful illustration for me! I love it so much, that the portrait is now my Facebook profile pic! Feel free to friend me, and so long as you don’t work in my office (That’s just unsafe), I’ll add you! I love to make friends! I have to say, having a personal illustrator as my best friend is the best thing since sliced bread, cinnamon raisin bread at that…with apple butter…at the Waffle House with cheesy eggs and hash browns. That’s love.

This makes me WANT to clean the fridge!

 Illustrated by my best friend, Joie Brown!

Prentice Will be Cleanin’
To “California Dreamin” by The Mamas & The Papas

 All the cheese is brown,
Sheppard’s pie turned grey.
I’ll go for a walk,
Later on today.

Don’t be misinformed.
I will come save the day.
Prentice will be cleanin’,
at five fifteen, Friday!

So, please stop by the fridge,
You’ll pass along the way.
Please, grab your cream cheese and peas,
and your berry puree.

You know your pasta will grow mold,
and will be thrown away.
Prentice will be cleanin’,
at five fifteen, Friday!

Your Chinese turned brown,
and Pad Thai is grey.
I’ll go for a walk,
Later on today.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you!
Before you leave today,
Prentice will be cleanin’,
at five fifteen, Friday!

Posted in blogging, chores, Folk Music, Illustrator, inspiration, Markers, Music, office, Paul and Mary, Peter, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, shenanigans, writing | 10 Comments

Bloggin’ at the Bottom of the Food Chain

Posted on November 10, 2010 by purrrentice

Blogger Bass says "I may have to blog about this later..."

My fridge memos were a hit from the first week I graced the boring office world with their presence. If my fridge poems were #1 jams, I would be like Lady Gaga or something, crazy and crazy famous. Alas, the *cough* best *cough* thing to come of the fridge poems thus far was an empty promise for a promotion and the added responsibility of blogging for one of the cosmetic brands’ website. I wasn’t really asked if  I wanted to take-on this new task. It was more like “Hey, Prentice. We’ve set you -up in TypePad. Write stuff.” I would say that my writing skills are being whored-out, but I’m not getting paid for my services. I guess it’s more like somebody put a ruffy in my writing, and it somehow woke-up naked at a bus stop. Or maybe it’s like the typical plot of many pornos, in which the hot actress (Who ironically can’t act for crap bc she’s a porn star. Lol) wants the part, but first…yeah. I mean, it’s publication, right?

Writing is dangerously undervalued in the business world. I know there are good writing jobs out there, or at least that’s what I like to believe (though most job search engines have yet to prove this), but look at all these writers being paid through pay-per-click sights, where they get a penny per viewing, or receiving a measly five to ten bucks per article. That’s BS. I doubt the graphic designers in the marketing department here get paid a few bucks per photoshopped product image. Sheesh. We do have one copywriter though. Maybe one day they will need a second?

Anyways, I’ve been writing these articles for ten months now. I try to keep the Beauty Blog fresh, interesting and personal whilst doing all the other crap I do around here. That’s why I’ve only written 17 (Only 15 were published). It’s not that I can’t write fast. Fridge poems should prove that. I simply have other (not better) things to do, like label hundreds of DVDs and hand-address Christmas cards.

This week my article about Demi Lovato was made live. The poor Disney star admitted herself into rehab for problems with bulimia and self-mutilation. I feel for her. I really do. That’s why I had to write this article, and I’m glad it was received well. I had my doubts. I hate how our media and social standards have made so many women, including myself, have insecurities regarding body image. F#@* the six-foot-tall, 80 pound models that the media seems to ooh and ahh over. Those chicks need to eat a steak burger, stat. Poor things, well, unless they are like my best buddy Morgan. She has an overactive metabolism. She could eat fifty steak burgers and still be super slender. Don’t you roll your eyes! She hates that. When she loses five pounds, she gets just as pissed as I do when I gain it. 🙂

You would think that working in a skin care and beauty business would make me feel pretty. Wrong. I won’t go into too many details, but no. . Actually, I often feel the opposite when I’m there. I wrote about this once on Reception Perception.

Maybe someday I will be able to make some moolah with my mad writing skills, but until then, I’ll be bloggin’ at the bottom of the food chain, gratis, like Blogger Bass.

Posted in blogging, epic fail, office, porno, receptionist, sharks, shenanigans, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments

Apple Induced Inspiration

Posted on November 8, 2010 by purrrentice

Mouthgasm. Apple Dumpling.

Despite the fact that I was a tad bit hungover today, I had a wonderful time. My family and I went on our annual day trip to the North GA mountains to do a little hiking and visit the ever popular yet quaint apple barns (We are a Mercier family, btw.). We hiked the steep, freakin’ trail to Brasstown Bald and saw the amazing view from the highest point in GA. A ranger showed me the Atlanta skyline with a set of binoculars! Wow! I could see the city and Stone Mountain from at least 100 miles away!

Just an FYI...smh

I also learned in an apple barn bathroom that after wiping your booty, toilet paper should, in fact, be discarded in the toilet.

One of my very favorite parts of Apple Day is the road trip, especially the music. My parents pop-in the old Peter, Paul and Mary albums I used to listen to as a kid, and I sing along ALL DAY. I absolutely LOVE those songs. Even now they are my favorites. For those of you who don’t know me very well, I have always been musically inclined. I have a wonderful ear and a knack for all that is rhapsodical. I know I was born with most of this ability, but I also give Peter, Paul and Mary a lot of credit. Instead of listening to out-of-tune, kiddy garbage like Kidz Bop and other ear numbing hogwash, I was listening to intricate guitar melodies and learning how to sing harmony by rote. I honestly didn’t know that studios could edit and change performances until I was in high school, so I assumed if you wanted a pitch perfect recording, you had to be able to create the exact sound you wanted, intonation and tone and all.

Peter, Paul and Mary have been a muse for a couple of my office memos. I remember doing a version of “Leaving on  a Jetplane” (Yes, I know it’s a John Denver song, but umm…Mary Travers kinda dominated that piece.) as my out-of-office reply when people forgot I was gone for a whole week and tried to e-mail me work to do. I found the copy today, so here it is:

Leaving on Vacation

 All my bags are packed. I’m ready to go.
I’m clocked out, going out the door.
I thought I’d drop a line to say goodbye.

 But now I’m done working. Oh please don’t mourn,
The weeklong loss of Miss Prentice Osborne.
Already you miss me enough to cry!

 So, don’t e-mail me, asking me
To Fedex boxes overseas.
Please clean-up the break room, as you go.

 ‘Cause I’m leaving on a Vacation.
I’ll be back soon for my vocation.

Even better, I did a fridge poem to the tune “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

Gruff the Magic Icebox


 

 

 

Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.
Little Prentice Osborne cleaned that rascal Gruff.
She trashed hot wings and week-old snacks,
And other nasty stuff! Oh!

Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.
Oh Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.

Together they would travel, to the wise, old, garbage pail.
Prentice fed him Lean Cuisines,
And stale, flat Ginger Ale.
Noble friends of Prentice would take their tangerines,
Tupperwares and lunchtime fares,
Long before five fifteen! Oh!

Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.
Oh Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.

Your food won’t last forever. It will decompose,
Turning green with furry beans,
And it will smell so gross!
One sad day it happened. Prentice Osborne cleaned no more,
And Gruff that mighty icebox,
He skipped and played no more.
His innards became stinky, and mold fell down like rain.
Gruff no longer saw his friend,
The trash can down the lane.
Without his tidy friend, Gruff could not be brave,
So Gruff the magic icebox,
Plunged into a rancid grave. Oh!

Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.
Oh Gruff the magic icebox lived at Northcreek,
And frolicked on the break room floor,
Until he started to reek.


Posted in Apples, blogging, Folk Music, inspiration, Music, office, poetry, Puff the Magic Dragon, receptionist, shenanigans, writing | 2 Comments

Happy Birthday….

Posted on November 7, 2010 by purrrentice

So, this week marks the year anniversary of the fridge poem. I wish I cared about this more, but ummm…I kinda don’t. I love my fridge poetry and all but yeah. This was supposed to prove I’m awesome, and though it did, this economy is abusive and only made this a humble act of the corporate jester, nothing more. So, without further ado, here is my weekly literary piece for the office (By the way, did you hear my post about dirty dishes being hidden under the sink in a box?! Gross…and lazy! Sheesh! ):

An Ode to the Fridge Poem (And the crazy girl who writes them)

Happy Birthday, Fridge Poem,
This week a year ago,
a normal memorandum,
became more random, apropos.
With enchanting powers of words and rhyme,
emails whimsically came clean,
about people’s food, neglected, in time,
vanishing at five fifteen.

The receptionist would write it,
a reminder that ignited,
a forever-burning literary flame.
A once boring chore became,
a weekly source of joy and laughter.
All hail the fridge poem and its maker,
henceforth and hereafter!

Happy Birthday Fridge E-mail!!!!

Posted in birthday, blogging, epic fail, hopeless, inspiration, poetry, receptionist, shenanigans, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments

Losing and Limericks

Posted on November 3, 2010 by purrrentice

Have you ever been at a point in your life when losing just seems to be the norm? Wouldn’t it just be nice to win one? It doesn’t matter what, but I just want a tiny sample of success, so I can remember how it tastes. So far my first novel, which I will post more about someday, has received, like I dunno, 12 or 13 rejection s. I still have my lame job, and all the obnoxious tasks I’m forced to do keep me from making much progress in my writing. Heck! I couldn’t even win the t-shirt design or pumpkin carving contest! And don’t even get me started on winning the Yoforia facebook trivia challenge on Tuesdays!!!

The company I work for participated in the Heart Walk this weekend, and we wore the winning shirt. I don’t remember what it looked like because the design was very dull and corporate-y. It had some logo with some lackluster phrase on the back. Joie Brown and I collaborated to design the best shirt ever, and though I think it could have been a contender for the charity’s cool shirt competition (I saw a few funny and cool ones while being a brand’s booth babe), the awesomeness was not understood in my high-strung office, so our shirt only got one vote. Marketing had all this fun wiggity-woo technology to make their shirt templates, but Joie and I had a pad of paper, a scanner and the power of imagination! I forgot only creativity within reason is acceptable here. Oops.

I would totally wear that shirt!

As for the pumpkin carving contest, I was sure out of the office building tenants, I would make one of the top three pumpkins. Wrong.  I can totally see why the winners were winners though. Apparently, a group of excited friends with a vision make a better jack-o-lantern than one hung-over Prentice. At least I still received a five dollar Starbucks gift card for my trouble. I do love a free, soy, green tea latte!

I took this a few days after the contest was over. It now looks about as hung-over as I was when I made it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know what would be even better than free coffee? Free yogurt, and that’s why I try to participate each week in Yoforia’s  trivia challenge for a 20 dollar gift card. I always come close, but I never win. These past two weeks had bogus questions and winners. I need to stop trying that one. Doing those God forsaken timesheets each Tuesday makes me bummed enough, so when I lose the trivia, it’s just another slap in the face. All I want is a little glory in the form of a gift card. Sheesh.

Oh yeah. I forgot. This blog is about my writing…not me whining. Well, when I get busy and flustered on Fridays, Like I obviously am today, I often resort to writing limericks because they are silly and easy. The usually go over pretty well. I pretty much consider myself the Limericks Luchador Here is the original:

When your food is forgotten and old,
It gets yucky and covered in mold,
That’s why the fridge shall be clean,
After five fifteen,
So be warned, for you have been foretold!

I also did one for St. Patty’s Day:

A leprechaun has been lurking,
In the fridge while you’ve been working.
With a food-snatching jive,
At a quarter past five,
He’ll be irking us all with his shirking!

I write them when I forgot to write a poem, and I only have five minutes to make one:

Today I’m too busy to rhyme,
Let me help you help me save time,
Go get your food, please,
All your drinks, fruit and cheese,
Or at 5:15 it shall be mine!

And I use limericks to jazz-up other boring memos, like needing to pick-up boring t-shirts for the heart walk:

Are you attending the Heart Walk tomorrow?
Then Steph has some shirts you can borrow!
Lest you want to walk nude,
Which would be lewd and rude,
To Stephanie’s desk you should follow!

Or to announce there are donuts in the break room:

If you’re feeling sleepy and tired,
And you’d rather be chipper and wired,
To the break room, please go,
Grab a sweet nut of dough,
And you will feel a rush, as desired!

(Our CIO debated that I failed to mention the sugar crash, so I responded to him with yet another poem:

Sugar can make you quite happy,
It’s yummy and super-dee-dappy,
But an hour or so later,
You’ll be a hater,
For the sugar crash makes you feel crappy.)

 

Posted in blogging, epic fail, Halloween, inspiration, limerick, office, receptionist, sharks, shenanigans, Uncategorized, writing, yogurt | 4 Comments

The Conclusion of Icebox Murder Mystery: Orange you glad I didn’t slay banana?

Posted on October 29, 2010 by purrrentice

Here it is, folks. The final chapter of my mystery series. I even got Joie Brown, my #1 homie and personal illustrator, to depict an image of the story for me. Enjoy.

Sammie Sandwich, Madame Baking Soda, Soda Pop Perez, Tiki Take-out, Tuna Casserole Pete and Yolanda Yogurt made haste when the detective announced he had news regarding the homicide case of Beatrix Banana. The burial, which took place in the freezer only hours prior, left sniffles in the air and tissues going around to dab dreary eyes.  Detective Danny Danish cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention before unveiling his theories.

 “Most of you are just innocent, forgotten foods, trying to make the most out of life in a break room icebox, but dangers for our friends and fruits are looming. “Madame Baking Soda was sleeping through the whole ordeal. She was still snoring when we went to see her.” The woman harrumphed, “I do not snore, Detective.” He rolled his eyes.  “I, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep a wink because of Tuna Casserole Pete and Sammy Sandwich’s drunken racket on the bottom shelf, creating a solid alibi for them, since the murder occurred on the top shelf.” Pete and Sammy smiled and said, “Well, I guess a life of partying pays off, right Danny?” They gave each other a high five and sighed of relief.

Detective Danny lowered the brim of his swanky fedora and raised a thoughtful finger to his chin. “Some, however, were not disturbed by the noise because…” Everybody gasped, as the Danish pointed and shouted, “Where were you last night…Miss Tiki Take-out?” The Chinese take-out box began to cry.

 “I don’t know what you mean, Detective. I was…”

 “Not sleeping on the middle shelf!” He interrupted. “I didn’t see you there!”

 “But…but…I would never…”

At The Scene Of The Crime

 “She was with me.” The crowd turned to find Soda Pop Perez, a bubbly, sugar-laden knight in aluminum armor. “Is there something you need to tell us, Perez?” Danny asked. “I smell something fishy, and it ain’t Tuna Casserole Pete.” The soda sighed, “I was about to break-it-off with Beatrix. I’m in love with another.” He caressed Tiki’s white, cardboard cheek. “I love you, Tiki.” They kissed and the detective butted in. “I suppose she wouldn’t have used a spork anyways, since the gal is a master of the fighting chopsticks.” He coughed to imply that the amorous snacks needed to come-up for air. “That being the case, there was somebody else supposedly sleeping soundly beneath the bottom shelf, which is also a lie, so the killer must be…”

Suddenly, thunder clanged and the lights went out. Scared yelps and squeals echoed, and Detective Danny Danish felt hands clasp around his throat as he was tackled to the ground. He tried to get his wits about him, but the darkness was getting dimmer as the strangling hands gripped tighter. He heard a “swoosh” and a “thud.” The lights flickered back on. Impaled by one of Tiki’s chopsticks, Yolanda Yogurt bled mixed berry dairy all over Danny and the floor. “Yolanda,” Danny barked. “Why did you do it? Why did you kill Beatrix Banana?”

 “She was my biggest competition to get out of this joint,” she sputtered. “I am a glamorous, healthy breakfast food, and I will NOT be thrown away!” Detective Danny raised an inquisitive brow. “Which is why you came after me? Because I’m a desirable, cream cheese Danish?” Yolanda’s lips curved into a deranged, pained smile. “Yes,” she coughed. “Besides…that banana hussy was bruised anyways…” Her eyes closed for the last time and Detective Danny Danish scoffed “And you’re way past your expiration date.”

 The mystery solved, all was well in the icebox, and everybody was able to put the terror behind them and live on, until Friday at 5:15, when the receptionist frowned and cursed, “Why on Earth would somebody mutilate a banana and a yogurt cup and just leave them in the freezer?!” She rolled her eyes with annoyance, unaware of the true culprits of the mess, and tossed the food in the garbage pail.

Posted in banana, blogging, Halloween, murder mystery, office, shenanigans, Uncategorized, writing, yogurt | 1 Comment

Flows so sick, makes you wanna put yo food-up!

Posted on October 27, 2010 by purrrentice

In case you didn’t understand my title, it is a play on one of the lines from my favorite Little Wayne song “Phone Home.” Shame on you for not being as gangsta as me. For shame!

They don't make them like me no mo. Matter fact, they never made them like me befo!

 

Today, an epic Dish War was going on here at the office. My personal struggle with my coworkers’ laziness has been going on for ages. There was a debacle with Mount Icky, a horrendous pile of dishes that marketing and product development left in the small break room over a couple months. I finally caved and cleaned it, but not without sending a threatening e-mail afterwards. While I was gone at the end of last week, there was a freak microwave incident, making the already disgusting mess reach the brink of insanity. Our HR manager and a brand manager cleaned-it and sent a memo to everybody, reminding them that I am not their maid and shouldn’t be expected to clean everybody’s messes. Thank God! I felt somewhat respected for a minute. It was nice.

This reminded me of Greg Tobias, the nicest executive I’ve met. He no longer works for this company, which is a real shame. He was always so sincere, kind and respectful to me, and there was a time that Mount Icky’s preceding generation magically disappeared. It was Greg who cleaned it, a Vice President! I was so grateful that I devoted that week’s fridge memo to him. It was a rap song, and I had Joie Brown illustrate it:

Frigidaire Rap Numbah Too! 

This rap is dedicated to my homie Greg T
cuz he did that stack of nasty dishes fo me! 

Don’t be a hater
cuz I’m the dictator,
laying down the laws of the fridge.
Don’t hate the playa. Hate the game.
Then hang yo head in shame,
as I trash yo food and burn another bridge.

You’ll soon be doing time.
Forgettin’ is the crime.
Your sentence is lunch without parole.
When you go to get yo meal
you’ll be shoutin’ “What’s da deal?!”
You got busted by the  Fridge Patrol!  

Imma beat your Tuna Casserole with my stick...until it bleeds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holla!

Remember. Crime don’t pay, kids.

5:15

 

I think Joie captured my essence perfectly as a cartoon cop with my trash can deputy. When Greg left, which I believe was not a positive experience for him, I wrote him a goodbye rap song:

Goodbye to Greg T.

To the song “Goodbye to my Homies” by Master P.

 

♪♫ How do I say goodbye to what we had?

The good times at [the office] outweighed the bad.

I thought we‘d be coworkers forever,

But forever’s gone away!

It’s so hard to say goodbye to Greg T! ♫♪ 

 

Y’all need to smile for our Greg Tobias, Yo!

 

My homie Greg T’s gone, leavin’ us bawlin’ and all.

Now we’re left with nothing but memories,

And awesome products on the wall.

I wrote this rap song, Greg T, just to show you that we real.

But I still can’t believe that you’re goin’, Dude. Don’t know how we will

Get on without you, but me and my boyz will try to behave.

We’ll remember your smiling face

And yo gangsta pranksa ways!

Now we’re going through a thing, Mr. Greg T! What should we do?

We could never Imagine [the office] without a homie like you!

 

♪♫ It’s so hard to say goodbye to my homies!

It’s so hard to say goodbye, to Greg T! ♫♪



 

...And the dish saga continues...

Posted in blogging, chores, gangsta, hip hop, managers, office, rap, receptionist, shenanigans, writing | 4 Comments