Poems for Christmas

First off, Merry Christmas to all my friends and readers! I hope your holiday was awesome. This was an okay holiday. I’ve never been the biggest fan of Christmas, but last year was probably the best Christmas I ever had and will have. This one…it was not as great as last year, but it was still nice.

I feel really bad for people who are dealing with loss of loved ones and other huge troubles this year because I can’t imagine how hard it must be. This was not my best holiday, and it makes me feel for those who are having a really bad Christmas. When you are down on your luck or suffering loss, the lights and tinsel and stressful gatherings seem to do nothing but highlight your shortcomings and problems.  

Luckily, I did give a small handful of gifts this year (not enough to feel like a real contributor to the season…but whatever), and of course, one involved a signature Prentice poem. I hacked my mom’s Facebook account and paid for her to have the full version of Words With Friends with no ads. I made a card with a spiffy image made in paint with this poem inside:

Twas the night before Christmas
your Facebook was hacked,
but the intruder had reason,
for such an attack.

The interloper waited,
until you were in bed,
as visions of Words With Friends,
danced in your head.

The trepasser ignored,
your profile with care,
in hopes that its user,
would log-in unaware.

So whilst playing Words With Friends,
you’d jump with a clatter,
and refresh the page to see,
what was the matter!

With excitement as fierce,
as using Z on a triple score,
you laughed “it’s a miracle!”
“There aren’t ads anymore!”

I know hacking a website,
is quite impolite,
but for sake of Christmas,
I did it in spite!

Posted in Blues, Christmas, hopeless, inspiration, love, Pinkie Pie, poetry, Self esteem, Uncategorized, Words With Friends, Zombies | Leave a comment

My Starring Christmas Role in Drag

Like many adults do at this time of year, I’ve been looking back on the holidays from when I was a kid. For whatever reason, I got to thinking about a pageant I did in fifth grade. Maybe it’s my thinking about taking acting classes that sparked this. Anyways, it was called Three Wise Men and a Baby, and it was a typical, cheesy, church play about Christmas. At least, that was what I thought at first…

I auditioned to be Mary. She had a dainty little song, and let’s be real. In most circumstances, Mary is the best female role, thus I wanted it. Instead, I was given the role of a wise man. This devastating news of getting the complete opposite of The Virgin Mary made me cry for days…

Until I read the script and learned why I was chosen.

You see, the three wise men had a significant role in the play (Hence the title Three Wise Men and a Baby), and part of that involved a three-part harmony round. Since none of the boys could sing this, all three wise men were played by fourth and fifth grade girls. This made me feel better.

On top of this, I was the comic relief. That’s right. Unlike more traditional plays, this one had humor, and who better to do that? Me! So, I played Binky the stupid wise man! I was essentially the Derpy Hooves of Christmas, and it was marvelous.

The younger kids loved me and called me Binky for months and months afterwards. I wish I had a picture, but I think all my parents have is something called a VHS tape? Whatever. I still know every word of that scene and song and will gladly sing it upon request.

So, take that, Mary! Binky’s rocking the house!

Sadly, that was my high point and last church performance for many years because I was consistently bullied at church, and finally I was told I sucked and should never come back. I guess everyone’s a critic (or a jealous bitch). Advanced chorus and All State were more my jam anywyas. I only sang in secular settings after that, except at the late, Christmas Eve service. I have a soft spot for candlelit Silent Night

Posted in Bronies, bullying, Christmas, holidays, My Little Pony, pageant | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

The Funny Frustrations of Mixed Signals

I’ve done quite a few auditions for voice over work since August, and even though I haven’t booked anything huge yet, I’ve learned from each read and found humor in the direction, feedback and lines given by voice seekers.

Direction
You know an audition is going to either be a hoot or a pain when the description of what the voice seeker wants is so mixed-up it seems en-cryptic. “We want the voice to sound young and hip but mature.” “The voice needs to be excited and energetic but still serious.” “Please sound business-like but conversational and casual.” This is like saying “you need to meow like a cat but also sound like a moose.” Cat moose. Got it!

Copy
Sometimes, the script provided for the audition is in itself a contradiction to the directions. All too many times the instructions say something like “Don’t sound like an announcer. We want a natural, conversational sound, like your chatting with a friend.” Easy enough, right? Well, it is until you see the script looks a  lot like something that should include a Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man:

Feedback
Probably the most mysterious  aspect of auditions is the feedback. Sometimes, you will feel like you rocked the crap out of an audition, and you will get bad feedback. Other times, you’ll think you sucked, but it will be the one to get you booked (or at least get you decent feedback). Finally, in the online audition world, I often get no feedback at all. Seekers will either listen to the recording and say nothing or never listen in the first place. I have mixed feelings about this mixed feedback. As a noob to the voice over world, I want feedback, so I can improve. But, bad feedback scores lower my status on Voice123, so if the seeker was going to give me anything lower than a maybe, I would prefer it be blank. Besides, the seekers can’t give notes back, just a score. Still, the ambiguity kills me!

This is why in any creative field, from writing to acting to art to vo (Heck, job hunting is the same, too) you have to just throw out the audition/query and move-on. You can’t dwell on bad or lacking feedback. Just do your best, learn as much from the experience as possible and start working on the next project. You can’t just wait for success to reply while letting opportunities pass you by.

Posted in Feedback, Lolcat, Voice acting | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Various Levels of F*ck-it Mode

One of my favorite songs on the radio right now is Cee Lo Green’s F*ck You. I was rocking out to it last week when my radiator exploded and overheated my car. Being traumatized to that song and later hearing a friend go “f*ck-it!” inspired me to touch on a subject I’ve been wanting to delve-into for a long time: F*ck-it Mode.

We’ve all been there, and we’ve all said it. We’ve had moments in our lives when we were pushed to the brink, and in turn, we said those satisfying words and adopted a temporarily insane lack of caring. I discovered in the two years of f*ck-it mode I lived at my last job, there are many layers of f*ck-it mode, like an onion, and they all serve a specific, stinky purpose. It’s not necessarily the profanity that defines f*ck-it mode. It’s the phrase you throw-in directly after.

Burnout F*ck-it 
This happens all too often. A job or task you have drives you to a realm of boredom that ensues f*ck-it mode.  You are trying to force yourself to input oodles of irrelevant data that you already know nobody will ever look at. Or, you are doing some pointless, mundane job that you know nobody, including yourself, will ever notice or appreciate. Then things get overwhelming, and you say “F*ck-it! I just don’t care!” Suddenly, every minuscule detail matters less because you realize you’re trying way too hard. Good work. You’ve finally learned to pace yourself! Just because you CAN have time sheets done on Tuesday morning doesn’t mean you can’t have them turned-in by deadline on Wednesday at noon. Sheesh.

F*ck-it! Like, really, you guys...f*ck-it...

Angst-ridden F*ck-it
The only way to survive a bad situation, professional or otherwise, is to adopt f*ck-it mode.  Think of it as that thick skin people keep saying you have to grow. By saying “F*ck-it! I Hate (insert person or task or job here)!”, you have enacted an overdrive mode like in Final Fantasy VIII, that will help you KO your enemy during a critical time.

Faux Confidence F*ck-it
Eventually, after other forms of f*ck-it, you hit a low that kindles a new fire of faux hope. It’s like, you feel so down about yourself that when put in a situation that requires you to put yourself out on the line, you say “F*ck-it! Why not?” It’s faux confidence. It’s a mental reset. Your high score counter hit it’s maximum and flipped back to zero, breaking your system. This is how I got my first voice over job. I was at a first lesson and asked to read a role. My thought was “F*ck-it! What have I got to lose?!” And, I got the gig, all thanks to false confidence. Eventually, this can turn into real self faith, but that new found courage found when you notice the risk is insignificant to you will work for now.

For Realzies F*ck-it
This is the only form of f*ck-it mode that I think is bad. This is when you seriously don’t care what anybody thinks about you. This is the most harmful form of f*ck-it mode. I’ve never been there. These are the people who speak loudly about their sex lives at the mall during Christmas while a little too close to the Santa area. This is the little league mom who curses-out the other little league mom at a game. This is the asshole who starts a fight after watching wrestling at a bar. These people took f*ck-it mode too far, and jail time seems to be the best cure.

Apart from the last form of f*ck-it mode, I actually believe it to be a healthy, slightly profane, defense mechanism. Life can be tough, and whether it’s a day, month or two years, we have to find a way to get the job done. Sometimes, the best way to beat life at its own game is to grow a tough skin, roll-up your sleeves, yell “F*ck-it!” and jump over those hurdles that make life so real, hard and wonderful. Like the onions mentioned earlier, the harsh, smelly, tear-inducing properties of f*ck-it mode add delicious depth and flavor to life’s casserole.

All this talk of onions and these phrases with the sound fuh, make me think of pho. Yum!

Now I'm Hungry!

Posted in Bi-winning, blogging, Cee Lo Greem, Fuck You, inspiration, Mindless Tasks, onions, Uncategorized, Voice acting | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Pern Will Never Be The Same…

This week the revolutionary fantasy writer Anne McCaffery suffered a major stroke and passed away. I am so sad about this. I mean, Mary Travers last year, and now this?! For those of you who are not familiar with Anne McCaffery, she wrote many fantasy and science fiction novels, and she is most famous for her series The Dragon Riders of Pern. She was an award-winning novelist who changed the fantasy writing genre for women dramatically with her charming female protagonists and game-changing career.

I was so excited about seeing Anne at Dragon*Con this year because she is an inspiration to me. I was hoping she could possibly autograph one of my books and give me inspirational words to improve my writing career, but unfortunately she had to cancel her appearance. After reading what she had her son write on her website in regards to the cancellation, I regret not getting to meet her even more:

“Mum very specifically asked me to apologize to those who had hoped to see her there, saying: ‘Sorry that old age came up and bit me on the a**.'”

She seemed like a super cool lady! I wonder if she liked cats…

Menolly is my Homegirl!

I actually never heard of or read any of Anne’s books until I was either a senior in high school or in college. My husband recommended the series to me, and I absolutely fell in love with the trilogy The Harper Hall of Pern. Menolly, a main character in the series who escapes her closed-minded family and becomes one of the most well-known song composers, performers and political mediators on Pern, is my favorite character. Hell, I would consider naming my kid Menolly someday. I’ve read a majority of the Pern series, and I love the books. It’s really too bad that the literary world is now without Anne McCaffery. Once I finish The Renegades of Pern, I plan to find out which books in the series I haven’t read yet, and I want to also read The Ship Who Sang because it was apparently Anne’s favorite.

Funny, I just suggested these books to one of the mothers here at the acting studio for her little girl who keeps breezing through books and needed something new. I hope she reads them, loves them and passes the Pern torch to others in her generation and later to her kids.

Leaping Fire Lizards! She wrote cat books! Time to add that to the Christmas List!

 

 

Posted in Anne McCaffery, cats, Dragons, inspiration, writing | Leave a comment

Getting Over Myself: Thoughts After Attending September and Bob’s Voice Over Workshop

Last Saturday I attended September Day and Bob Carter‘s Beginner Voice Over Workshop. It was a great opportunity, and I learned a TON and got some great ideas for furthering my VO career. Bob and September are a lovely and hilarious couple. Their energy, differing opinions on aspects of the VO world and varied niches bounce off of each other in an awesome way. Not only did these two teach me more about the business, marketing and performance of being a voice talent. They were also extremely amazing motivators. I didn’t leave this seminar with a folder full of notes and a bewildered sense of “Oh snap! This is too much to handle! I can’t do this!” No. I left empowered and with the spark I needed to pull myself out of a funk. “Get over yourself,” as Bob so eloquently put it.

This is me when I tell myself beer is a bad idea.

You see, I’ve been struggling with myself lately. That job at the beauty company really took a toll on me. I’ve always had body image issues (since I’m 4’10”, short waisted and keep subjecting myself to industries that can be cosmetically cruel), but that place really made me feel bad about my appearance and abilities. On top of that, I gained over 10 pounds while  being forced to sit for 8+ hours a day without breaks to walk the stairs or stretch my legs. The weight is not coming-off as fast as it did 5 years ago after  working at Henry’s Louisiana Grill. I’m a bit of a Pinkie Pie and like to party, so despite the dietary changes and exercise, the process is slow-going.

I’ve also failed a lot in the past two years. I mean, I just got laid-off via text message a few weeks ago. I’ve never really had an entry level job and can’t afford to go to grad school. I haven’t booked much in VO yet, and I don’t have the means to complete a home studio. My writing career thus far has consisted of freelance slavery and rejections. My cat disappeared last month. My husband’s in a similar boat, so it can be hard for us to be cheerleaders. I don’t even know what I should do with myself career-wise. Throw-in the weight and my favorite jeans finally biting the dust, and life suddenly seemed daunting.

A eulogy limerick for my jeans,
they made my round but look obscene,
but in the dryer they went!
They broke when I bent!
A fashion faux pas unforeseen!

I’m not trying to say my life sucks. It totally doesn’t. I have a supportive, loving and sexy husband who is my best friend. I have the cutest kitty ever, and my friends and family are the bee’s knees. And I know deep down that I am pretty awesome, too.

It’s just time for me to get the f*ck over myself, toss my doubts and insecurities to the wind, be assertive and not let a little funk get the Prentice everybody enjoys bring her down.

 

 

Posted in body image, Bronies, Freelance Prentice, limerick, Pinkie Pie, poetry, Voice acting | 3 Comments

My Bakeneko, Tybanna

My beautiful Bengal Cat, Savannah, is still missing. It’s been over a month now, and my husband and I have pretty much lost hope about getting her back. I still am re-posting and resubmitting lost pet reports though.

Our other cat daughter, Tybee, has been acting different lately, not much like herself. She is normally quiet but now is more vocal. She was not big into snuggles but now sleeps and cuddles with us. This sparked a slightly morbid theory/joke. I hypothesize that Savannah passed away, and her spirit possessed part of Tybee. They share the same, adorable body now. This would explain the Savannah-ish behavior and Tybee’s newest napping spots, which were Savannah’s

This is NOT normal...but it is adorable!

And I call this supernatural, hybrid, manx/bengal/ghost mix: Tybanna

If that’s not weird enough, the craziest thing happened to me last weekend. My favorite necklace has been missing for months. It is a simple piece, a little, glass, good-luck cat (maneki neko) bead on a gold chain. The trinket was actually part of a set  of earrings Nick bought for me while in Japan. I lost one earring and decided to thread the remaining kitty onto a necklace. I looked high and low for it, and I even searched all my stored handbags on Saturday morning to see if I took-it-off and stuck it in my purse at some point.

When I turned-off my bedside lamp before going to bed, I saw a flash of light. It looked like a spark or the shimmering fallout after a firework. It landed between the bed and nightstand. It startled me. I thought it was some kind of freaky, electrical problem, so I looked to see where it landed. I found that necklace draped on the bed frame exactly where the spark landed! Tybee must have knocked-it off the stand when waking me up one morning, and I think Tybanna helped me find it.

Creepy, huh?

The situation and the necklace itself reminded me of part of my first novel, Bakeneko: Mariko’s Dream. The main character, Mariko, is a bakeneko (a demon cat with many abilities including entering dreams), and after many years of running away from his past, his evil brother and the fear of his abilities, he meets a little girl named Celeste. The girl has an unfamiliar, magnetizing aura that pulls at Mariko, and he eventually engages the girl and becomes the family pet.

After entering Celeste’s dreams a few times, he gives her his only keepsake from his original owner, a hand crafted charm made to look like him as a maneki neko. My story of Tybanna and the necklace seemed too good a crossover not to post an excerpt from my novel. Enjoy:

Mariko grinned with a maturity Celeste had never seen before. Was he wearing his true feelings that far out on his furry sleeve, or was he simply not hiding his many years on his face? Both perhaps? Celeste closed her eyes, anxious to see what her present could be. Mariko pulled a small parcel from out of nowhere. It was the same one he retrieved earlier that evening from the alley. He used a single claw to slice the package open and pulled out its contents. Celeste felt Mariko loop something over her head, and she could feel a chain or string pulling back and forth around her neck, as Mariko tried to tie a knot or hook the clasp. Even with special abilities, it was still difficult for him to complete tasks that required fingertips and thumbs. She was growing impatient, and she had to fight her childish urges to ruin the surprise and open her eyes. Just before the waiting was unbearable, Mariko was finally ready to reveal his present. “Okay, child. Open your eyes.”

Celeste looked down, and she was speechless when she saw her gift. It was a necklace with a kitty cat charm dangling from the delicate, gold chain. The trinket was a perfectly round, porcelain bead, except for two short ears pointing out at the top and a stubby round tail protruding from the bottom. The bead had no hook to attach the ornament to the golden string. Rather, the chain was rigged through the center of the bead, looped into a crease around the tail, and pulled back through the top. The tiny, spherical cat had a brown spot on its left ear and orange markings on the top of its head. A dark spot was painted on the right shoulder and an orange one on the left hip. The tip of the tail had a dab of both colors. Celeste recognized the tiny figurine immediately. “It looks just like you, Mariko! This is so neat!”

She continued to inspect every detail of the unique bead. This miniature Mariko was wearing a red collar with a gold, swirly design a golden bell. A bib curved beneath the choker, and it had a colorful hem with a pattern that matched the collar’s markings and the scarf’s colors. Celeste couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been to paint such a beautiful, intricate design on a tiny bead. Even the less ornate details, like the cat’s face and spots, would take a very steady hand to create. One of the rounded paws was raised above his face, and the other was holding a gold coin by his side. Celeste was  smitten with this token, but it was obvious that she didn’t understand the symbolism of the tiny cat’s attire and unfamiliar pose.  

“It’s a Maneki Neko,” Mariko explained, answering Celeste’s unspoken question. “A good luck cat. These charms bring good fortune to those who keep them. The coin he’s carrying is a koban, and it represents wealth.” Celeste stared at the little, cat trinket. “Really? A good luck cat?” The girl liked this idea much better than the traditional charms she knew of, rabbit’s feet or four leaf clovers. Mariko continued, seeing how interested the girl was. “They’re are also called beckoning cats because of their raised paws. In old legends from my homeland, special cats were honored after beckoning humans from danger. ” Mariko’s smile weakened, as he tried to repress a sudden surge of remorse. “Mistress made this in my image long ago,” he cleared a lump in his throat. “She was quite the jeweler, and this was one of her favorite pieces.” Mariko realized by the fallen expression on Celeste’s face that he appeared to be very sad. He shook his head and lightened up the mood to assure her he was fine. “Anyways, I want you to have this. It just seems fitting that my new, little mistress should have my keepsake. It has a lot of history, you know.” Celeste was captivated by Mariko’s story. It was attention-grabbing, and it was one she had never heard.  “Tell me more,” she begged.

The two sat and watched the recovering ocean sky evolve from angry gray to nighttime black to a hazed sunrise of pink and orange, and Mariko filled Celeste’s imagination with old tales from his homeland about the beckoning cat. He told the story of Usugumo, the lovely oiran from a town called Edo. “What’s an o-ree-an?” Celeste interrupted. “Oh,” Mariko stopped. He forgot that Celeste wouldn’t know anything about ancient Japanese culture. Then he realized that the most direct translation he could think of, a courtesan or concubine, was not appropriate for a small child. “Well, umm, an oiran is kind of like a geisha,” he answered.  Celeste’s eyes widened with awe. “You mean those pretty ladies in the fancy robes and white make-up?” The cat was surprised she knew what a geisha was. “Yes, child. The robe you speak of is a kimono,” he affirmed before continuing his storytelling.

  “She was wealthy and popular, and with that came jealously from the other women she worked and lived with. Though Usugumo had so many admirers, her best friend and companion was her pet cat. One night, the cat started acting strangely. He was tugging at her kimono, pacing around his master and meowing frantically, like he was trying to tell her something. The people of that time and place were very superstitious, and the cat was beheaded, because the people feared that it was possessed by an evil spirit.” Celeste looked upset to hear the cat was murdered, but Mariko didn’t stop. “Usugumo’s cat’s head flew high into the air and caught a poisonous snake in his teeth. It ends up a resentful rival hid the serpent in her quarters, in hopes of sabotaging Usugumo, and the cat saved her. Usuguno was beside herself with grief, so one of her devoted customers made a statue in the cat’s image, to cheer the woman and honor her cat.”

Then he spoke of an old, poor priest who ran a desolate temple outside of Western Tokyo.  He didn’t have much, but despite his poverty, he still kept his loyal cat, Tama. One day, a wealthy, government official passed the temple during a terrible rain storm. When he sought shelter under a cherry blossom tree, waiting for the storm to pass over, the government official was captivated by a strange cat. It looked as though it was waving to him, so the man decided to get a closer look at the odd cat, assuming its bizarre behavior was just his eyes fooling him. The moment the man stepped away from the tree, lightning struck the very spot where he had been standing. Drenched and bewildered, the politician followed the cat, and the priest offered shelter to the politician. The two men became fast friends, and the government official was so impressed by Tama’s rescue and the old man’s hospitality, the wealthy man made that holy place his family’s sanctuary, ending the priest’s poverty.

The last legend Mariko told to Celeste was about an elderly shop keep. She loved her cat like a child, for she never could have children of her own. The old lady was penniless, but she cared for her beloved pet as best she could. Eventually, she became so broke that she had to get rid of her cat, and it saddened her heart to lose her cat. One night, the cat came to the woman in a dream and told her “Make my image in clay and place it in your shop window. Do this, and good fortune shall find you.” The woman did exactly what her cat instructed her to do. She sculpted and painted a statue in the image of her dearly loved cat, and business blossomed.

Celeste loved these stories and listened very intently. When Mariko finished, she had to know something. “Mariko? Are you a Maneki Neko?” He should have seen this coming. The girl sensed he was different, even magical, but he was not merely a good luck cat. Though, if and when these legendary felines existed, there was a good chance they were like him, supernatural spirits with more potential than the average house cat. He decided to answer a question with another question.

“Do you think I bring you good fortune?”

“Of course you do! Like Grandmamma said, you are like a guardian angel!”

“I’m no angel though.”

“But you’re not just any regular cat either.”

“I suppose you’re right. You have uncanny insight.”

“Mariko, will you be my good luck cat forever?”

“Like I’ve said before,” the cat sighed. “As long as you want me, I’ll be here.”

The dream started to disappear gradually and fade out as Celeste began to stir in her bed. Her eyes opened slowly, and she turned to check the time. It was a little after three in the morning. Mariko was pretending to sleep against her side, and she was relieved he was there. “I just had the strangest dream, Mariko,” she whispered. The girl thought back on the nightmare and its much brighter ending. It seemed so real to her, but obviously it was just a dream. She smiled and ran her fingers through a patch of fur on the cat’s side. He rolled on his back, begging for a tummy rub while sleeping. She obliged, and his back foot twitched when she found just the right spot next to the orange marking on his hip. The warmth of the bed and Mariko made Celeste drowsy, and it wasn’t long before she was asleep again. Mariko sat up, stretched and yawned. He hopped down from the cozy bed and searched the messy floor for the parcel he retrieved earlier, before the nightmare. He found what he was looking for and opened the package. He held the necklace above his head, watching the itty bitty cat twirl slowly in the dim light. Mariko placed the necklace in Celeste’s open palm and went back to sleep.

Posted in bengal, cats, Childrens' books, Dreams, Ghosts, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Spooky Shenanigans and Sheisty Tea

Happy Discounted Candy Day, Everybody! Take a look at my awesome jack-o-lantern I made. It’s a pedo-tastic masterpiece, and I created him all by myself.

Bask in his creeper-ness!

If that and the fact that my aunt and I scored a Words With Friends score of 666 isn’t spooky enough for you, here is something to tickle the depths of your fears:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting fired via text message!

The Troll's Tea of Choice

That’s right. I was laid-off, and my boss took a “Modern Middle School Romance” managerial approach with his announcement. Other than the fact I didn’t see this department lay off coming, I am not surprised by this kind of occurrence from Honest Tea. From day one, my experiences with this company have been mysterious and shady. For a company with the word “honest” in the brand, they sure have some secretive/ questionable ways of running their business. I think instead of Honest Tea, I now like to call them Sheisty Tea.

I was originally interviewed to be a full-time manager. Days later, they pretended the position never existed and thanked me for “showing interest.” I was offered a part-time job as a demo gal, but I was told the interns most of the work. I filled-out all the paperwork, including tax forms and direct deposit info, and I never heard from them again. Okay. Not really “never again,” but close enough.  I even tried to follow-up and see if they lost my info or fired me or something like that. No answer.

I got a random e-mail from Honest Tea seven months later. They desperately needed another person to help with an event at the Coke corporate office, but they were not allowed to hire anybody. Lucky for them I’m a desperate sap. They made me resubmit all my paperwork because it was lost? That’s not awkward or mysterious or anything. I was treated as a new hire. They even tried to change my official hire date. Um, no.

I did the Coke corporate gig, and they liked me so much that I started to work for them at weekend events. I loved it. The regional manager talked to me directly about working full time and insisted I send her a resume. When I tried to follow-up about the interview she wanted, she was quite short with me and scolded me, saying “I can’t interview you unless corporate asks me to.” I was shocked by the sudden change, because I clearly hadn’t learned my lesson yet.

Honest Tea stopped contacting me again. A few weeks later, a new person claiming to be the new acting manager asked me if I was willing to work until the end of summer. I was like “Am I getting laid-off?” She assured me she simply phrased that wrong, and once again, I didn’t hear from her for weeks. After following-up a few times, she told me there was a new manager, and I asked for his email address. I finally started to get work again, but I was working boring demos at grocery stores. I was told store demos were going to get HUGE, and I would start getting lots of hours.

Then I got fired via text.

This business etiquette makes me wonder how on Earth Honest Tea can be Fair Trade certified. If they can’t even treat demo girls professionally and respectfully, how should I expect them to treat workers on tea and sugar cane farms?

Oh well, I guess once again I’m back to the drawing board for job ideas. At least I got to drink lots of free Moroccan Mint Tea for a while. That stuff’s amazing!

Posted in blogging, Coke, Discount candy, Honest Tea, Need New Job, Promos, shenanigans, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Who Doesn’t Love Vending Machines?

First off, I want to tell you about the amazing thing I invented all by myself…in a dream. The other night, I dreamed I genetically created a hybrid plant. I combined celery and apples and called it Apple Sticks, and this convenient and delicious fregitable revolutionized all that is healthy snacking. Ants on a log never saw this coming!

If I were a botanist, I would make this and be a bazillionaire. Even GMO protesters could not deny the delectable genius of this combination.

That being said, I finally have decided to make an official announcement about something seemingly significant. I no longer work at that $hitty makeup company. It’s over. Done. Before you ask…no, I did not quit. Yes, I am fine, and yes. My last fridge poem was to Cee Lo Green’s F*ck You. My only regrets? Censoring that song and not getting laid-off sooner. Why didn’t I tell you sooner? Because I didn’t want people to worry about me. I’m a resilient and surprisingly stoic young lady.

Right now I am a voice over talent and part-time studio assistant at Creative Studios of Atlanta. This is a great place, filled with good vibes and optimal networking potential. If you’re an actor looking for some classes or a voice over talent looking for coaching/demos/etc., check it out! My commercial voice demo is complete, and I may try my hand at acting. I mean, I had people convinced at my old job that I liked being there for two years. I clearly have acting talent.

Who doesn't love a vending machine?

This new studio assistant gig is loaded with new people, new responsibilities, and of course, new funny tasks. This week, I had to refill the vending machine. I actually love doing this. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it tickles my old, AMC memories of restocking candy. I was well known for my Candy Train! I have to say that as I was loading the machine with snacks, I thought about how much the kids who attend classes LOVE this machine. I mean, all kids enjoy clinking change into a vending machine and picking a favorite treat. Maybe seeing how much pleasure it brings them to see a seventy five cent packet of Reeses drop during a snack break is what makes me like restocking so much. Those kids do make my Tuesdays a blast. Perhaps I’ll write a poem about that soon.

I DO think I will attempt National Novel Writing Month and write Reception Perception, my book about that $hitty receptionist job that had me on the verge. Maybe this book will actually sell…What do you think? Third book’s the charm?

Posted in Cee Lo Greem, Creative Studios, CSA, Cutie Mark, Demo, NaNoWriMo, receptionist, Voice acting | Leave a comment

Voice Tagging: My New Obsession

My voice over journey is going okay so far. I need to get my $h!# together though. I need to get my narration/character demo done soon, and I need to audition like a banshee! If anybody has a microphone sitting around, I’d love to have it! I’m learning to edit, too. I cleaned-up my recent recording for My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Abridged, and Rarity sounds pitch perfect, with every seam pressed and proper! Still, I need to focus less on assisting others and focus more on my ambitions. What were they again? Lol.

I recently went to September Day’s seminar about Voice123. September is awesome. Her story is similar to mine and is inspiring. I learned a lot at this class, and it led me to a new time-absorbing obsession: Voice Tagging. It’s soooooo fun!

Voice123.com is a site where voice talents can showcase their demos, find work and audition for jobs. In your profile, you tag your voice with different words to describe its quality. Well, I can listen to other people’s demos and help define their sound. I can’t comment on their recording or demo quality, and that’s almost a shame. It’s great to hear my competition, but some of these demos are bad, like “Why did the person pay money for this site and post this?” bad. Here are the things that make me face palm:

Bad Copy
Copy is VO language for script. I’m shocked that people don’t put more time and thought into this. A demo is a performance/marketing piece, the main way your voice is heard, so quality, variety and script order is important! Many people had just one poorly recorded audition as their demo, with no editing. Eeew.

Demos shouldn’t be a million seconds long. I mean c’mon. If people can’t take 30seconds to read a whole resume, what makes you think they would listen to more than 30 seconds of a demo? Variety is the spice of life, so I think a demo should have a handful of different types of copy that can display a VO talent’s voice range. People also need to consider the order of their copy. Don’t start it off with a depressing piece about cancer victims, and seriously, don’t make each sample long. Editing is a good thing, people!

Bad Recording

Look, I get it. These people want to get in the business so bad that they want to jump in immediately, but let’s be real. Nobody wants to buy a static-filled, echoed, uneven mess, even if it’s edited. Either get better equipment or find a place to record.

Other Weird Things

I’ve heard some weird stuff while voice tagging. I particularly love the guys who try to create a demo with one dialogue of different characters all voiced by one person:

Pirate: Argh! I will make ye walks the plank!

Wizard: Not before I smite you with my magical magic!

Pirate: en guard-wait? Who is that?

British Dude: Why hello, blokes. My hot air balloon had a most unfortunate explosion. May I use your phone?

Pirate: What is the phone ye speaks of?

Wizard: Does he meaneth a crystal ball of magical magic?

British Dude: Oh poppycock! Did my balloon cross a time barrier and defy all laws of time and space?

Anime Guy: Woaaaaah! Who are you guys? I am a space ninja from space sector 69. Can I borrow your intergalactic transmission video messaging device?

Pirate: All you scurvy dogs are walking the plank! NOW!

British Dude: I’ll never make it home in time for tea!

News flash,  no. Just no. Also, I hate it when there is only one track on the demo, and it has two voices with no indication of who is who. Good work, Dumbass. You didn’t indicate your gender in your profile, and there is a guy and girl in the demo with only one piece of copy. That’s worth my time and your money. And, if you plan to add music or sound effects to your demo, make sure they don’t drown-out your voice. Duh.

Posted in Advice, blogging, Bronies, Freelance Prentice, inspiration, MLP FiM Abridged, My Little Pony, Rarity, shenanigans, Shpadoinkle, Uncategorized, Voice acting | Leave a comment