Why Didn’t Someone Tell Me April is Poetry Month?!?!?!

Really, guys. We dropped the ball on this one. Thankfully, good ‘ole NPR reminded me a few days ago. At least I won’t ever forget from now on. So, Happy Poetry Month, Everybody!

As I’ve mentioned before, I do social media work for Blue Moon Publishing, a local greeting card company that caters to the LGBTQ community. I try to focus on gay rights news and holidays, so of course, I am going to incorporate Poetry Month (or at least what’s left of it). Each of my Twitter and Facebook posts for the site will be a poem of some kind. Here is the first one:

We’ve gone several weeks without knowing,
that Poetry Month’s been ongoing!
So for the next thirteen days,
our Twitter and Facebook arrays,
will be poetic and informative showings!

Do you want me to post the rest? Too bad! I will not be posting each poem on my blog each day, so if you want to see my little, daily musings (especially the ones that are under 140 characters AND rhyme), you must follow the Twitter and “like” the Facebook page. I promise you won’t regret it. Blue Moon’s pages are updated every other day, alternating between social media outlets, so you can’t complain that you feel spammed in your feed!

Here is a Link to Blue Moon’s Facebook Page

Here is a Link to Blue Moon’s Twitter

Anyways, I will have a personal poem up soon. I could use a little help though, so tell me: What are some things you can buy or do with ten dollars? Have fun with that, and tell me in the comments below!

Posted in Funny Poetry, LGBTQ, limerick, Rainbows | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Different Sips ‘N Strokes For Different Folks

Gosh! I’ve been feeling so blah and lazy lately. All I’ve been in the mood to do is party and sleep. Shame on me for letting my inner Pinkie Pie overtake my productivity…again!

I’m sure I’ll snap out of it soon, but if anybody has a lighter to go under my Prentass, please let me borrow it.

I had a fabulous weekend with Joie Brown and our friends during a bridal shower & bachelorette party extravaganza. I totally dominated in that shower game where you can’t say certain words (like bride, wedding, etc), and then the girls had margaritas (and Mexican food, too). Then we were off to Sips ‘N Strokes (or what I call “Dribbles ‘n Scribbles) to party and paint, before heading home for penis cake (that Joie and I decorated). Then Sunday was a boat party day with Joie. What’s more exciting than one Pinkie Pie? Two! We had a blast. I miss her already.

I originally was dreading Sips ‘N Strokes because I’m a perfectionist that can’t paint/draw, which is a bad combo. Fortunately, this particular evening involved an abstract, multi-meduim painting in which the instructor gave us a background color and some tips before letting us go wild. Now, I know most people there were expecting the traditional, step-by-step experience and were like “What the crap? I have to be creative!? Sh*t.” I, on the other hand, was like “You’re going to give me alcohol, glitter, magazine clippings, rhinestones, splatter paint and complete freedom?! Woot! Bring it!” Needless to say, we had a blast, and everybody’s painting was different.  For instance:

Clearly, seriousness is not my forte...

Yeah. I went Lolcat style on mine, and you know you love it. The teacher and the drunk girls from across the classroom sure as hell did. I know this painting has moved you to tears with it’s depth, sense of meaning and cat in a spaceship. It’s a masterpiece!

Another thing that inspired me this week was this article on NPR about a dude who quit his job and started selling poems along the sidewalks of San Francisco. Wow! Self publishing is one thing, but I never thought about taking my poetry to the streets, like a homeless person or a street performer. What a grand idea!

Joie also loved this, and we agreed if we weren’t 2,600 miles away from each other we would totally do this on weekends together. Then I said “Dude, we could do this remotely on the internet, like on Etsy or Ebay or something.” Basically, a client would provide a concept and a price. Then Joie and I would make it happen. For example, the client could say “I want something about switchblades and graham crackers.” Then, Joie

My freaking hero...maybe I should quit my job and...

would draw a switchblade made of graham cracker stabbing a marshmallow that bleeds chocolate, and I would write a poem about the dangers of s’mores. The client would be so pleased that he/she would flood our Paypal accounts with money. The End.

In all seriousness though, if you would buy this service, let me know. Joie and I giggled like this was unrealistic and would never work, but I know we both secretly believe in it, like unicorns and the Tooth Fairy. This could be the start of a beautiful business!

Posted in Joie Brown, My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie, poetry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Pony Vs Pony: A Gaming Obsession of Mine

Hi, All. I was waiting until after my birthday and Easter to write a poem, but inspiration still hasn’t struck. I know in the real world I would have to come-up with something fabulous regardless, but in Prentice’s world, I do what I want. So, for my 27th birthday, I will give myself a break and write about ponies instead of poetry.

First off, I have to give a “SQUEE,” and a Shout Out to my friend David for giving me all the McDonalds MLP:FIM toys. Even better and in the spirit of Prentice, he didn’t pay for them. Nope. While on vacation in Vegas, he saw a guy taking down the pony display at McDonalds and took it off the employee’s hands. David wanted to bring the whole display to me, but alas. It did not fit in his luggage. Still, his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness totally made my day! Now my collection is complete, and my kitchen and key rack has a very classy (and magical) pony motif.

The Mane Six are here on my key rack, and the others are scattered about my kitchen! Thanks, David!!!!

Speaking of ponies and being uninspired, I will at least write in the spirit of my new segments on gaming and introduce you to a marriage of internet games, ponies and being brain dead:  Pony Vs Pony – Battle is Magic!

This is my pony, Dainty Rainbow Sprinkles (This was the closest I could get to recreating Shawty Sprinkles). She has flutter wings, a rainbow horn and three cats. Her cupcake level is 120, and her cuteness is over 9,000. ♥

Pony Vs Pony is undoubtedly the easiest and most pointless game I play, and I can’t stop. I wish it existed when I worked at the cosmetics company. My life would have been exponentially better. Basically, you get to customize your own adorable pony, and you then battle other ponies by way of a watered-down, drag and click version of Bejeweled. You do damage, cast magic or defend by connecting four or more pink, blue or yellow orbs. Then you can earn experience points and Sparkle Gems (Pony Vs Pony currency) to buy more awesome crap for your pony!

What I Like About This Game

  • The theme song is catchy, and the in-game music is soothing.
  • The graphics are super colorful and cute.
  • Game play is mind-numbingly easy and great to zone-out to.
  • There are lots of pony puns!
  • Each battle is brief, perfect for discrete gaming and multi-tasking (you can switch tabs without ruining your game).
  • I like to battle ponies and play Words With Friends simultaneously (I battle during the ads between WWF turns)
  • Umm…there’s kitties and ponies. Duh. Of course I love it.

What I Don’t Like About This Game

  • Grinding levels is grueling. For instance, Dainty Rainbow Sprinkles needs 4096 Exp to level-up but only gets 16 points per battle. It takes forever.
  • Sometimes the flash program starts to lag, thus screwing-up my battle mojo!
  • I wish some of the items gave bonuses. All the pets have abilities and bonus spells, but the descriptions are minimal (sometimes there are none at all).
  • The game is supposed to have a direct, head-to-head battle mode and adventure mode someday, and I’m ready for it!

The creator of this game expected Pony Vs Pony to be a little side project with a small handful of players, but he was not aware of the Brony Phenomenon. Bronies made this game super popular, and I hope the company will update the game soon with adventure mode and the ability to battle your friends directly!

Posted in birthday, Bronies, Happy Meal, My Little Pony, Over 9000, Pinkie Pie, Rainbows, Rarity, receptionist, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dramatic Mono Log

According to my Receptionist on the Verge archives, I am supposed to do a Dramatic Monologue this week. I love writing these, and I’ve always been good at it. Back in college, I had the best one in my poetry class and got an A+. It was about an old, cat lady. For a fridge poem, I wrote a monologue from the perspective of the break room fridge on New Year’s Eve, titled The Fridge’s Resolution. Both of these poems are in this blog post from January 2011. Joie did a lovely illustration for it, too. I loved this one.

I was having trouble getting started with my poem this week. I was playing with a few ideas that were not quite panning out. Then, I was assigned a subject/inspired by my friend Tim Donner. The conversation went a little like this:

Tim: How about a log that is alone?

Going full-on double literal...all the way across the sky! So vivid! What does it mean?!?!?!

Prentice: Poor log!

Tim: Hence Mono…

Prentice: Done! Doing that!

Tim: Look at the gold I’m giving you!

Prentice: Oooh! It could be a log with Mono!

Tim: Eeeeeeeeeeew!

Prentice: Yup. I’m going double literal!

So, Tim, this one’s for you, Buddy. Enjoy, Everybody!

The Mono Log

I was once a lively, healthy tree,
with muscular branches,
and luscious leaves,
but I have fallen,
ill,
with mononucleosis,
and now I’m just a Mono Log.
I’m not sure how a tree like me,
was infected with the kissing disease,
maybe it was from that dainty Dogwood.
The quiet ones are always knotty,
or that Cypress succubus.
Why am I such a sap for bad girls?
That Evergreen was quite obscene,
and I was barking mad,
to even touch that Bradford Pear.
I should have known there was a reason she smelled so bad.
I doubt it was that slender Pine,
or that apple bottom Apple Tree,
and it definitely wasn’t that Magnolia cougar,
the older ones’ blooms are usually clean.
But now I have these knobby nodes,
and a rash and a fever,
and I was so weak I hit the ground,
and no one was around,
and yes, I made a sound.
My womanizing days are done now…
Tarnation!
Damn my pollination!
I was a social tree, but now
I am just,
a lonely, Mono Log.

 

What do you want me to rhyme and rant about? Ideas are welcome in the comments!
Posted in cat poem, dramatic monologue, poetry, Receptionist on the Verge, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Sushi Cat: Now I’m Thoroughly Entertained AND Hungry!

So, I am a bit of a gamer girl, and as much as I like playing my console and PC games, I have a true appreciation for the simpler games that we are finding online and as apps for out smart phones. When I worked for the makeup company, I played a bit of Farmville and discovered the wonderment that is Nyanicorn (Robot Unicorn Attack  + Nyan Cat = ♥).

Who doesn't love Nyan Cat?!

In addition to my poems and office ramblings, I plan to share with you my new favorite games that you could play anywhere (including your office). I found most of these after being laid-off, and I would face palm and say to myself “Why didn’t I find this sooner!? My receptionist-life would have been so much better!”

Achievement Unlocked: Ate a Ton of Sushi

This week I discovered Sushi Cat, thanks to the Adult Swim FB page.

The protagonist of the game, a blue cat that looks like a ball, falls in love with a little pink cat, and he runs into problems while trying to pursue her. He’s always too small! (I know that feel, bro.) The cat’s solution? Buy a step ladder? No. Give-up? Hell no. Eat sushi until he grows big enough? Bingo!

The mechanics of this game are much like Peggle, a bright and sparkly version of plinko with extra bells and whistles. You drop Sushi Cat at the top of the board and try to get him to eat as much sushi as possible before landing in a cardboard box with bonus points. The more he eats per drop, the bigger he and your bonus gets. If you fill his tummy before you run out of turns, you win!

What I Like About This Game:

  • Sushi Cat is adorable! The animation is cute and simple.
  • I love how the cat bounces like a jelly, rubber ball
  • Once you drop Sushi Cat, you can click to another tab, page or program for necessary cover-up without ruining your game. (Optimal for secret game-play)
  • You can play for two minutes or two days. The commitment per play is minimal.
  • The replay-ability is relatively high
  • It is not a ridiculously hard game, but it’s not too easy either. I did have to play a few levels again because I did not achieve full belly.
  • The phrase “Full Belly Achieved” is hilarious and should be an inspiration to us all!

What I don’t like about this game:

  • It makes me crave sushi. As a matter of fact, I’m craving it now.
  • There isn’t a fourth one out yet.

Click Here to Play Sushi Cat! It’s fun! Try it for yourself, and tell me what you think!

 

Posted in blogging, cats, Nyan Nyan Cat, office, Poptart Cat, receptionist | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pantoum-monium!

First off, HAPPY ST. PATTY’S DAY! Yay for wearing green and getting drunk! I actually get to go to Legoland today, and while I’m out, you can enjoy a Pantoum.

Back in December 2010, I wrote about my vacation in which I got called almost every day and my boss dressing as a super hero, and I wrote a pantoum about him cleaning the fridge. Looking back, I did the form wrong, only honoring the rhyming scheme of the copied lines instead of using the lines verbatim. I fixed this to express WHY I’M SO GLAD IT’S THE WEEKEND:

BECAUSE I F#*KING HATE DATA ENTRY & HAD TO DO IT A LOT!

I was forced to enter hundreds of names and emails into Constant Contact, which is the data entry cousin of the timesheet dragon. So, to divert myself from insanity and self loathing, I wrote a pantoum…

Pantoum – a form of Malayisan folk poetry with stanzas of two rhyming couplets.  The 2nd and 4th lines become the 1st and 3rd of the next, and the last line is often the same as the first.

I don't know what I was meant to do in life, but this totally is NOT it!

The Data Entry Game

A monotonous lobotomy,
all day the keyboard goes clickity-clack,
syncopating my mental disharmony,
and I’ll never get these hours back.

All day the keyboard goes clickity-clack,
as I enter dates and numbers and names,
and I’ll never get these hours back.
That’s the data-entry game.

As I enter dates and numbers and names,
I twitch and fidget and grumble and cry.
That’s the data entry game,
to look at yourself and wonder “why?”

I twitch and fidget and grumble and cry,
as the list goes on and on and on,
you look at yourself and wonder “why?”
then stifle a bored and ominous yawn.

And the list goes on and on and on,
and I wish my eyes could copy and paste,
as I stifle a bored and ominous yawn,
and think to myself “Oh what a waste.”

Oh, I wish my eyes could copy and paste,
to relieve this secretarial sodomy,
but instead I think to myself “Oh what a waste,”
and continue this monotonous lobotomy.

Posted in Pinkie Pie, receptionist, Timesheets, Troll face, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Knights to Five: Turning Misery into Creative Genius

I know this post is late, too. Whatever.

The next poem on my archives list is not an official form, but it follows an ABB pattern. It’s Fridge-Poem-Era predecessor  is called Herbert The Homeless Hoagie. It’s a pretty touching piece. I mean, I’ve never had a sandwich make me cry, unless it was so delicious I couldn’t help myself.

It changed my life!

Anyways, I’ve had an old idea of Joie Brown and mine on the brain lately (we usually cook-up between one and fifty crazy ideas a week), and I decided to use the story and tagline as inspiration for my ABB poem:

We are Knights to Five
and we work to stay alive! 

When Joie and I were both miserable at office/desk jobs, we would make nerdy comparisons between lame office work and something more heroic/fun. For instance, every Tuesday I had to slay the Timesheet Dragon. This evolved into a funny idea about a mage and a warrior being thrown out of context of their world and into a corporate office. They would not fit-in with the other office peasants who didn’t wear pink armor to work or wield purple magic, and the two friends simply deal with this office as best they can while finding their way back to the creative, successful homeland they long for. It’s pretty funny and would make a great comic or web show. Maybe someday…For now, here is the poem:

Knights to Five!

Joie sketched the beginnings of our idea. Here's a warrior and half a mage!

Once upon a time there were two dear friends,
one a powerful mage,
the other a warrior of common age.

Their training was complete,
the mage’s magic mystifying,
and the warrior’s strength undying.

The mage also mastered the paint brush,
and the warrior? The quill,
for these were maidens of many skills,

And they were on a journey,
to join the Ship of Dreams’ community,
and sail the Sea of Opportunity.

Their destination was on the horizon.
Hand-in-hand, the best friends traveled,
but suddenly, their plans unraveled.

The skies went black, and thunder roared.
The air began to smoke and crackle,
within that haze there came a cackle.

Out from the smolder came a witch,
“I’m Madam Reality,” she seethed,
“and you’ll never make it to that sea!”

The mage and warrior were both ensnared,
in terrifying tendrils of evil magic.
The friends both knew this would be tragic.

Madame Reality roared wildly,
and with a flick of a wrist and an incantation,
she sent the best friends to damnation.

They awoke in a dreadful place,
with recycled air and fluorescent rays,
and an endless, cubical maze.

The friends were imprisoned separately,
the warrior in the front desk stocks,
and the mage inside an office box!

This corporate land was harsh and odd.
Instead of fighting dragons and orcs,
they struggled with drama and busywork.

The environment was toxic and the work was torture,
for the warrior and mage’s creativity,
was in a dark cell of captivity.

“Someday we’ll make it to the sea!”
Our heroes made that solemn vow,
“We’ll defeat this place and get home somehow!”

“Until then, each day will be a battle,
We are Knights to Five,
and we work to stay alive!”

Posted in 9 to 5, BFF, Funny Poetry, receptionist, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cooking 800 Hot Dogs in Ten Minutes AND Writing Odes

Oh, Prentice. You and your Pam moments...

My post is so late this go around, and I am irked about it. The last week or so at work has been much like my favorite scene in the episode of The Office called Beach Games:

Michael: Okay Pam, I have another little project for you.
Pam: Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs?
Michael: Smart as a whip! Yes! [holds up hot dog packages] These are pre-cooked, so it’s not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I’m going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it.
Pam: When’s the contest?
Michael: Like umm…[looks at watch] ten minutes?
Pam: How am I supposed to… get…
Michael: Thanks a bunch.

Anyways, I did get around to that poem, and luckily, inspiration was not an issue! This week (or I should say last week’s) poetic form was an ode. For the fridge poem’s birthday, I composed An Ode to the Fridge Poem (And the Crazy Girl Who Writes Them). The post also posts a favorite LolCat of mine: The :Happy Birthday You’re Adopted!” cat.

Lolz

At first, I was going to write an ode to something funny, like Siracha hot sauce or my cat, but then life decided to inspire me for once. Who knew?

You may notice I have a new blog on my Blogroll. My Voice123 account was about to expire, and I definitely did not have the extra cash to renew. I found Voice123’s blog’s Facebook page, and they were doing a blogroll promotion. I submitted Freelance Prentice, and they approved! So, I added their link, and my Voice123 got a few free months added to it! That’s almost like being paid to write. How fun that two of my passions collided into one helpful opportunity!

I know this wasn’t a handout, but I feel as grateful as if it was. This sparked a stream of thoughts on appreciating an open hand. Since being laid-off from the cosmetics company, things have been tough, and that only strengthens how glad I am when given anything, from a job offer to lunch to a compliment to an opportunity. I let the ideas swirl in my head a bit and wrote this ode:

An Ode to an Open Hand

An open hand, palm-up, extended,
should always be appreciated,
whether it’s a hand to help-you-up,
or an opportunity, long awaited,

Or a hand waiting in anticipation,
for a high-five form of affirmation,

A hand to hold when feeling up or down,
or with a few bucks to get your car downtown,

a compliment, a deserved chance,
or a handout given in charity,
an open hand should be appreciated,
for no one’s too good for generosity.

Nobody, Dammit!!!

Posted in inspiration, poetry, Rarity, receptionist, Voice acting | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tragic, Killer Robot – Zombie Love

This week I was going to continue my poetic, time traveling adventure, reaching back into the archives of my blog and reinventing the fridge poems, but I was distracted by my friend Angie’s Twitter post:

Today I got my students writing sonnets about zombies and killer robots. #TeacherWin

Illustrated by the amazing Joie Brown! Friendship once again proves to be magic.

It..is..ON!

I did do a fridge sonnet back in February 2011. I posted it here, in Happy Discounted Candy Day, but this one is way better. Enjoy.

Love Data Malfunction

I am a killer robot lost in love,
designed and programmed to destroy undead,
until a cowering corpse looked-up above.
Transfixed, I could not laser-beam her head.

I picked her up, careful not to crush her.
Her single eye was brighter than a gem.
When she bit me as I tried to brush her,
my sensors overloaded to the brim!

Oh, my zombie lover, fair and festering,
I can not smell you, for I have no nose!
I’ll corrupt commands I’m sequestering,
To save this killer robot’s zombie rose!

Command does not compute, does not compute.
Malfunction Self Destruct Mode, execute.

Posted in Freelance Prentice, Joie Brown, sonnet, Uncategorized, Zombies | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment