I Feel Like Derpy Hooves Today

I’ve gone from zero to over 9,000 and back to zero in a matter of days. I worked for Honest Tea this weekend for the Sweetwater 420 Fest. I love promotional work, and since I’m so deprived of it, I almost get high off of all the interaction and good vibes. Also, working for a vendor at 420 Fest is way better than volunteering for Sweetwater, which I regret to remember I did last year. This time, however, I got free beer and food, and I got paid to do something I love. The only downside to this gig was coming down from the weekend high. Also, I haven’t even been paid for my first shift over a month ago, so I don’t plan to see a paycheck for that or my first freelance makeup artist training session anytime soon.

I found out yesterday that we are downsizing our customer service department, and our fifteen minute coffee breaks will be taken away. This is devastating for me! I use my morning break for stair walking, lunges and stretches, and I do a lap and a half around the office complex for my afternoon break. I can already feel myself getting fatter and more miserable without them. This triggered a “What did I do so wrong to fail this hard?” tantrum. Then I went to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race at Blake’s to cheer myself-up, and my car got booted. Sob.

I’ll go ahead and throw in that my novel, Bakeneko: Mariko’s Dream, got its 14th rejection letter recently, and my school’s literary magazine rejected the series of fridge poems and accompanying prose I submitted for the Spring Issue. Also, I am on the new box for my company’s  makeup starter kit…it’s from the clinical trial…of my chin…with a big honking zit. My modeling career is obviously skyrocketing to super stardom.

In case you didn’t know, I’m a ridiculously huge My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan, and I have created many bronies out of my homies. We were discussing how we need to find our cutie marks, the pictures on the ponies’ hips that represent their special talent and purpose. Right now, if I were a pony, I’d likely be Derpy Hooves, but instead of a cutie mark on my flank, I’d have the word “FAIL” branded on my ass.

Anyways, enough about my whining. This is a WRITING BLOG, not a griping blog, so here is an Easter themed fridge song from last year:

An Easter Song for the Fridge (To Peter Cottontail)

Here comes Prentice, with her pail,
Hopping down the break room trail.
Hippity! Hoppity! Fridge-time’s on its way.

Trashing every girl and boy’s
Boxes full of munch-time joy,
Things that would grow mold if left for days.

She tossed red beans and salami,
Deviled eggs and veggie stew.
Then she threw-out your pastrami,
And your chicken cordon bleu!!

Oh! Here comes P, with that trash pail,
Hopping down that break room trail.
Hippity! Hoppity!  Clean that fridge today!

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About purrrentice

Fantastic Voiceover? How About PRENTASTIC VOICEOVER?!?! I'm Prentice Osborne, a full-time, freelance voiceover talent out of Atlanta. My specialty is Millennial, teen and everything in between, and I work in multiple genres of VO, from e-learning to games to cartoons to radio and TV ads. I love the entire VO process, from pen to paper, mouth to mic, cursor to waveform. It's totally Prentabulous! Need some voice work? Bring it on, World! Freelance Prentice is here to blow your mind with laughs, creative magic, mad skills, and a little bit of razzle dazzle!
This entry was posted in 420 Fest, blogging, Cadbury Eggs, chores, Cutie Mark, Derpy Hooves, Easter, holidays, Honest Tea, My Little Pony, office, Peter Cotton Tail, poetry, receptionist, refrigerator, Rejected, RuPauls Drag race, shenanigans, Sweetwater, Uncategorized, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I Feel Like Derpy Hooves Today

  1. Joie says:

    You do NOT have a fail cutie mark.

    But we should find our cutie marks together. We’re the new CMCs!!

  2. Pingback: Looking Back and Moving Forward: The Best of Receptionist on the Verge | Freelance Prentice

  3. Erin Palette says:

    O hai thar Joie! Fancy meeting you here. 🙂

    Anyway, I just stumbled onto this page by randomly Googling “Derpy Hooves special talent.” Nice to find another ponyfan AND a friend of Joie’s!

    Oh, yeah. I also write about ponies. You might want to check out my blog sometime.

    Anyways…. I know it’s almost a year late, but I hope your day is better now! 😀

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