My mood has been up and down this week. I’m blaming PMS, my receptionist butt (which is just a cute way to say I’m getting fat from sitting all day), drinking too much last week and a bad case of the Receptionist Blues (or a bad flare-up, since the Receptionist Blues is a chronic condition). A Happy Meal with my friend Elaine and her beautiful daughter Jamie, along with some song writing, got me through the worst of it. Wait…Prentice writes songs?! Yes I do. I’ve been writing music since I was eight. I’m working on a blues song about being a receptionist. When I finish it, perhaps I’ll record it for y’all.
I hope none of you got pinched yesterday for not wearing green (unless you wanted to be pinched *evil giggle*), and if you did, it isn’t my fault because I wrote a beauty blog this week about using green eye makeup. That’s right. I’m also pretending to be a makeup artist. I’m a freakin’ jack-of-all-trades.
My fridge musing this week was not a poem nor song nor lolcat. I wanted to do something that did not require an illustration, so my dear Joie Brown could rest her physically assaulted fingers. If you didn’t read my previous entry, do so now, so you will know what happened to Joie’s poor drawing hand. I just recently saw the Charlie Sheen interviews, and they are ROFL gold. The intern at my office requested I do something with that, so I did:
My Fridge Interview with Charlie Sheen
Prentice: First off, Charlie. It’s great to be speaking with you in this beautiful break room.
Charlie: Yeah. I know. It’s pretty radical.
Prentice: So, why exactly does your house have a break room?
Charlie: The Goddesses and I need a place to take a break, and the indoor kitchen, outdoor kitchen and three living rooms just wouldn’t do. Any Bi-winning house should have a break room. Duh.
Prentice: Agreed…and what are those countertops made of? They’re lovely!
Charlie: Well, I originally wanted to use Aztec gold, but there was some snag with the Mexican government, so I was like “Screw them! Charlie Sheen needs no gold!” That’s when I decided granite would be better. I mean, really? Aztec gold is boring anyways.
Prentice: Well, let’s get to the nitty gritty of it: The Fridge.
Charlie: What’s that got to do with me? Why do you want to talk about a household appliance instead of Charlie Sheen?
Prentice: We talked about this, Charlie, remember? I want to ask about your break room cleaning habits.
Charlie: Cleaning is for fools!
Prentice: So, you don’t clean the fridge?
Charlie: Of course I do! Such an important task can be done by no mere man. I just blink and it’s cured. It’s clean, because I’m freakin’ Charlie Sheen.
Prentice: I see…
Charlie: When I see those squeaky clean shelves and drawers, free of food crap, I’m like, “Winning!”
Prentice: So, Charlie, what we all want to know is if you’re using—
Charlie: This again!? Like I said, I use a blender, a vacuum cleaner, household items. Do you mean –
Prentice: I was asking if you use any special cleaners on your fridge…
Charlie: Oh. I use my own cleaner. It’s called Charlie Sheen. I don’t need any Comet or Fantastic or 409, and Oxy Clean’s got nothing on me. My heart, my brain, and my tiger blood can cut through grease like a knife. I can clean anything. Can’t is the cancer of clean.
Charlie: My elbow grease is so strong I have to have titanium shelves in my fridge. Otherwise, I will scrub them into oblivion and keep going until I break through the earth’s crust and core, popping out in a fridge in China, and I’ll clean the crap out of their fridge, too. I’m like Martha Stewart on steroids and rocket fuel.
Prentice: Wow, Charlie. That’s intense…
Charlie: Like camping.
Prentice: Right-o. Good pun…Well, that’s it for today, Folks. Thanks again for the interview, Charlie.