Grrrl, you bettah werk!

Posted on February 21, 2012 by purrrentice

As anybody who has been a receptionist knows, the job is horrible for your figure! All that sitting results in what I call “The Receptionist Butt.” Even before I was laid-off from my last job, I was fighting the admin ass, and now I’m on a rump-reducing rampage!

I’ve really stepped-up the exercise for the past few months.  Once I realized pilates and yoga with my cat were not burning fat, I turned to cardio. Now I’ve adopted a P90X-esque mentality, mixing-up my focus and routines to A: Keep me from getting bored and B: Optimize the workout.

This is what I look like when I work-out...

Sadly, the fat is stubborn, and I’ve seen no significant difference yet…until last weekend!

I’ve been roller blading through my neighborhood as a way to get my heart pumping while focusing on my lower back, legs and butt. It’s fun and intense, and it kicks my Prentass. Well, this weekend I did an epic roller blade excursion, and it was much easier. I climbed all four hills without huffing and puffing. I even added a fifth! I didn’t need to take breathers, and my post-workout coma on the couch was much shorter! So, I may not be down a pants size yet, but it’s almost more thrilling to know my heart and the rest of my body is stronger and healthier. I was so proud of myself!

I’d like to thank myself, Netflix and my trainer, Tybee. She joins me for my workouts and has thus taught me Meow-ga, Purrrlates, and Ty-bee.

"Mommy, if you can touch your toes, you can give me a damn shoulder rub instead. It's called multi-tasking. Grrl, you bettah werk!"

Posted in Lolcats, Pinkie Pie, receptionist, Tybee, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I’m “Literature-ly” Laughing at Myself Today

Posted on February 17, 2012 by purrrentice

I hope everybody had a lovely Valentine’s Day. I meant to post the cute little skit my MLP:FIM Abridged group and I did for the occasion, but it was posted after I had my overdose of computer time for the day. So, here it is:

Give thumbs-up. Say nice things! Isn’t Rarity adorable? Twilight really took the cake though!

Oooh. I also have a tumblr now. I made it to communicate with the Abridged group. If you have a tumblr, folla at ya girl – Awwww Snap!!!♥: Prentice’s tumblr

This week’s poetic form is the limerick. Here is a link to my old, Receptionist on the Verge post about it. Similar to that post, I’m feeling a little down this week, but instead of whining, I plan to reinvent “Losing and Limericks,” completely. I’m working on my self talk. Every time I epic failed or something obnoxious happened to me this week, I wrote a limerick about it. Okay. I didn’t write one every time, just the note-worthy times. I’m all about laughing at myself. Like my daddy says, “I’m just laughing to keep from crying.”

Bad Week Limericks

If a midnight snack’s what you desire,                     When you have a bit too much to drink,
make sure you are wide awake prior.                        It makes the next day really stink!
If you rest your eyes,                                                    Drink some water. Relax,
you’ll awake to realize,                                                 and then face the facts:
that your food and the oven’s on fire!                       Liquor’s cheaper than hiring a shrink!

Rejection may feel like defeat,                                  There’s an art to getting screwed over,
but really it’s just bittersweet.                                  much like finding a four-leaf-clover,
It’s funny while sad,                                                   but instead of good luck,
and good while it’s bad,                                              people don’t give a f*ck.
then lather, rinse and repeat!                                  At least there’s no grass stains, moreover!

#Fail

Posted in limerick, MLP FiM Abridged, My Little Pony, Rarity, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day, Voice acting | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Terza-Rima! Cha cha cha!

Posted on February 10, 2012 by purrrentice

This week I was reminded of something I’m bad at and something I do well and enjoy.

On Tuesday, one of the children at the studio was showing me her drawings. She’s pretty good for her age, and when I told her “I don’t draw well,” she giggled, pulled-out her drawing book, and proposed a draw-off. She sped through the baby lion we chose, free-hand and without following those drawing instructions that look bogus until you see a professional do it. I took twice as long and tried really hard to follow each step…here are the results:

I emailed this to Joie Brown and said "This is one of a million reasons I need you...I draw like a 10-year-old!"

On the flip side, Joie inadvertently reminded me that I like proofreading and constricted writing. Many writers I ran into while in college loved to use lots of words, bedazzling the crap out of each piece. These people freaked-out over deadlines and word counts. I personally find complete freedom more challenging and less fun than having rules. It’s like fixing-up my house, trying create a beautiful room with a limited

This is my kind of writing!

budget and resources. That’s when you have to do as Tim Gunn says. “Make it work!”

This week my poetic form I’m reinventing is a Terza-Rima. Here is a link to the Fridge Poem. With this interior design/writing crossover in mind, I was inspired to write this:

Terza Rima  (Climbing Rhyme) – A poem with three lines per stanza. The first and third lines rhyme, and the second line of the stanza rhymes with the first and third of the next.

The Interior Design of Writing

Writing is interior design,
on a page,
building beauty within the confines.

The way that words are staged,
change the vibe when moved or tweaked,
Like a lamp, a chair, a vase, an antiqued bird cage.

A simpler technique,
is a minimalist’s décor.
Contemporary writing’s dark and sleek.

Vocabulary French doors,
once words are whittled away,
can be a clean and formal office floor.

Literary feng shui,
East or West? Which word is best?
Move this word North and take that one away.

Sloppy writing is a rat’s nest.
Paint a wall. Clear the clutter,
until then, stay on writing house arrest.

Whether the task at hand is your bread and butter,
or a chore that’s not your style,
if the word bank budget makes you smile or sputter,

Just remember all the while,
writing is interior design,
and words are curtains, knick knacks, trim and tile.

Posted in Illustrator, poetry, Uncategorized, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

So anyways, a haiku

Posted on February 6, 2012 by purrrentice

I promised I would start taking an old fridge poem each week and reinvent the poetic form to something more relevant to my life. I decided to do these chronologically. Well, this week is a haiku.

In October 2010, I did a post for Receptionist on the Verge called “The Origins of the Fridge Poem.” I talked about how fridge poems at my crappy, old job came to be. Then I posted this haiku:

Monday’s leftovers
Uneaten, long forgotten
Tossed at five fifteen

Prentice! You said you'd write a haiku! Write, dammit!

Haiku have always been a cinch for me. I’ve been doing them since my days at AMC. The form is easy enough, just five syllables, seven and five, and try to throw nature in for a Japanese bonus! These and limericks are almost involuntary for me. The hard part this week was choosing a subject for writing. Well, I’ve been pretty moody lately, and I experienced a few different emotions on Friday (when I originally planned on posting). I got distracted by life’s crap and the Persona 4 anime and The Super Bowl. Here is a trio of haiku expressing a strange sequence of mood swings I had one day:

Mood Swings on a Friday

depressed energy
a contradiction festers
infesting the soul 

nervous energy
a lightening storm within, when
harnessed is success

joyous energy
exaltation through the blood 
tingles through your veins

 

Posted in blogging, Blues, haiku, hopeless | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Guess Who Went to Memphis Last Night?

Posted on February 1, 2012 by purrrentice

Nope! Chuck Testa! I went to the musical, not the actual city. I suppose I should have added the word “see” in the title. Look at me trolling…

But yes, my super awesome buddy Angie The Geek and her super awesome family took me to see Mempis. Angie and I had some boss seats! Like, I was in the very center and ten or so rows back from the stage. Like Angie said, I didn’t even need a booster seat!

In case you haven’t heard of this musical, Memphis is set in the 1950’s, and it’s about this Gomer Pyle-esque protagonist named Huey who loves black music. He finally gets the nerve to go to a black club he had  wanted to visit, and me meets Felecia, a smokin’ hot babe with an epic set of…lungs. He promises to get her on the radio someday, and somehow, this idiot savant gets on the air and dominates the airways of Memphis with his goofy charm and good taste in jammin’ tunes. He and the gal fall in love, drama ensues and lots of laughs also ensue.

If Hair Spray and Dream Girls had a baby, it would be Memphis, so clearly this was right up my alley!

Overall, I really enjoyed this Tony-winning show. The singers were off the chain, the hook and the wagon. The vocalists were truly mind blowing. The choreography was also great. The set was clever and cool. I loved the moving pillars, the use of projectors and the movable recording booth. The premise was a bit cliche, and the characters were a bit one dimensional. Seriously though, I would see it again. The jokes were adorable, and they cracked me up. And like I said, the singing was top notch and pitch perfect.

But the best part was the ridiculously great seats and company ♥…and I looked pretty hot. I called my look “Grown and Sexy” like the Chamillionaire’s song.

On a completely unrelated note, I recently purchased a web camera off of My Coke Rewards while I was tipsy, and I want to start a web show. I think I may do love advice, since people seem impressed with my kick ass marriage. I would talk about relationships and answer questions in my unique, honest, Prentice way. Thoughts? Would you watch that?

Anyways, Hockadoo!!!!

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Looking Back and Moving Forward: The Best of Receptionist on the Verge

Posted on January 26, 2012 by purrrentice

Every time I visit my blog, I see the posts that have been viewed the most in the past week. Then I found that I could dig and find the top blogs of all time! Curiosity finally overwhelmed me, and I decided to see which posts had the most hits. Then I read them.

Here Are My Top 5 Blog Post of All Time

5. I Feel Like Derpy Hooves Today (239 Hits)
Ahh. I remember this day. This was when my boss cancelled my departments coffee breaks even though she takes smoke breaks almost every hour. I cried all the way home and had a “What the f@$k did I do wrong with my life” episode. I’m still trying to lose the weight from those four months of torture!

4. 10 Things to Know About Being a Receptionist (434 hits)
This is one of my favorites, and I’m shocked it’s not higher-up. It does have the most comments of all my blogs though. After receiving an advertizement for a receptionist workshop, I went bonkers, and I wrote the “real” top ten things any receptionist should know/learn.

Poor Joie. This quickie sketch she did for me in ten seconds is the top fridge illustration seen.

3. Milestones and Going on Vacation (590 hits)
In this post, I gloat about going to Disney World and display a fridge song to the tune of Wish Upon a Star. Then I share some writing milestones and announce that I will be voicing Rarity on My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Abridged.

2. Attitudes and Strange Dreams (765 hits)
After watching too much Know Your Meme before bed, I had a super weird dream. Ooh! That rhymed! I describe it and then rant about my bosses trolling my replacement during one day I took off to do a promotion…oops…I mean…I was at the doctor or on vacation or something.

1. Honest Concrete Makeover (831 hits!)
This was the day I learned that my crazy, racist, mean bully of a boss quit. Despite that great news, the day was super busy and bad , but I did write a fridge poem, a visual form known as concrete poetry.

It’s no surprise to me that Receptionist on the Verge dominates all my top blogs. Freelance Prentice posts don’t even make the top ten, with Dragon* Con Virgin No More (103 hits) being #11. At first I believed people enjoyed Receptionist on the Verge more because of my office horror stories and ranting. I can’t really emulate those anymore, so if that was the case, I’d be out of luck. But just before I made a heavy sigh in blogging defeat, I saw my top search terms:

  • Concrete Poem
  • Rarity
  • Pinkie Pie
  • Concrete Poetry
  • Creepy

So…concrete poetry, ponies and creepy memes made these posts popular? Interesting…

I realized I miss the fridge poems, but it would be pointless to start writing them again. Instead I plan to highlight an old fridge poem each week and then rewrite the poetic form in a more relevant context! Pretty cool, huh? More Prentice Poems?! It’s your lucky day!

To start this-off right, I want to test a theory I have, based on my top posts and search terms… Concrete Poem + Ponies = Broken Internet!?

Pinkie Pie Concrete Poem

My mind is an enigma,
to others and myself,
I’m a fluffy ball of sunshine,
with surprising social stealth.

I’m off the wall,
off the cuff.
Don’t call my bluff!
I’m no cream puff!

But I think they’re yummy!
Yes indeedee.
I’ll never judge you,
so don’t judge me!

People think I’m a teenage girl,
when I’m actually in my twenties.
It’s not like I try, but I know why!
The reasons are a plenty.

I have a baby face,
I’m peppy, cute and fun.
I love games and silly nicknames,
and silly jokes and puns.

I also love to party,
and rarely will decline.
Who on Earth would rather work,
than have a glass of wine?

And please don’t get me started,
on stuffy, mean, old folks!
When they try to understand me,
they only get a stroke!

What some adults call immature,
I call “youthful” and “lighthearted,”
and things that I find awesome,
they often find retarded.

Too often my thoughts and ideas,
are flat-out disrespected,
or sometimes just misunderstood,
but either way rejected.

So screw the prudes,
the boring Betties,
those negative Nellies,
those yuppie yetis.

Whilst they try too hard,
and feel awry,
I’ll be random,
crazy,
weird,
and glad,
because I’m a Pinkie Pie!

Posted in Concrete Poetry, Creepy Chan, Derpy Hooves, Disney World, My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, receptionist, refrigerator | Tagged , | 3 Comments

♪♫Blue Moon…You Saw Me Sending a Card♫♪

Posted on January 22, 2012 by purrrentice

Today I am pooped, but it’s great. This is one of those weeks where I really got my money’s worth out of myself. I worked hard, worked-out hard, played hard, and now I’m exhausted, almost ill. It was totally worth it, and my efficiency has earned me a lazy day.

But you know me. I always feel like I need to be doing something constructive, so I’ll post this blog while I wait for food to be ready. I’m also going to switch my background back to the cheese. I know I don’t write fridge poetry anymore, but who cares? I freaking love watercolor cheese.

As most of you who read my blog already know, I am a supporter of gay rights, I love writing, and I have a whole lot of jobs/gigs/projects going on. So, it only makes sense that these aspects of my life would cross paths.

And here is the occupational love child of these three things:

Blue Moon Publishing

Blue Moon Publishing is a greeting card company that caters to the LGBTQ community. It’s a relatively new company based in metro-Atlanta, and the cards are designed for all occasions, from weddings to Christmas to Valentine’s Day. The artwork is whimsical, lighthearted and fun, and the new designs get better and better all the time. Soon they will have tons of awesome cards for every occasion!

My best friend Joie Brown paints some of the illustrations. But wait, Prentice can’t draw, so what does she do? I write! I upkeep the Facebook and Twitter pages, writing little diddies and posting fun and relevant info regarding the gay community and upcoming holidays. I’m also starting to help with the writing within’ the cards. We all know how good I am at writing poems about stuff!

It is hard to find cards that are LGBTQ-friendly, especially for lifetime milestones, like having a baby and getting married, and if you are in the market to buy one for a friend or loved one, you totally need to check this out. Support a local, Atlanta business, and support Freelance Prentice!

You should totally follow Blue Moon on Facebook and Twitter. I promise the posts are fun and interesting, and it will not overrun your feed. I post about once a day. Spread the word and spread the love!

Blue Moon is also looking for a sales person to help get these fabulous cards in stores! Here’s a link to the classified ad on Gayborhood!

If you have a lead for a shop that would enjoy these cards, holla at me.

Now I’ve been productive. Time for food!

Posted in Cheese, Pride, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day, watercolor, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

100th Post Extravaganza!!

Posted on January 18, 2012 by purrrentice

Hooray! It’s my 100th post, and to celebrate I’m gonna…

STOP SOPA

Read What SOPA Is

Too Lazy to read about SOPA? Here’s a cartoon about it.

Sign Google’s Petition

Contact Your Senator/Representative

For the Love of the INTERNET! Do Something! Just because Obama opposes SOPA and PIPA does not mean we shouldn’t exercise our rights to free speech!

If you think the 99% was pissed a few months ago, just see what happens when the government tries to take away our ability to get drunk and watch dumb stuff on Youtube! No more song parodies or pony videos?! Ahhh! Occupy Interwebz!!

Posted in Bronies, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie, Rarity | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

I’m On A BOAT…or at least I was…

Posted on January 16, 2012 by purrrentice

I’m a bad little blogger. I’ve been back from vacation for a whole week and am just now posting something. I could list my lame excuses (like being busy, sick, can’t find the cord for my camera, in-laws accidentally deleted pics of my camera when we found the cord and uploaded pics at their house for slide show, wanting to convert and edit a video file for the post, etc), but I know I could have made this happen sooner.

It was a good trip. My husband, parents, brother and I all went on a seven-day-cruise on the Carnival Valor through the West Carribean. We went from Miami to Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Belize, Roatan and back home. I’ll just play a game of plus minus plus to give highlights and low points, and then I’ll entertain ya, okay?

Rum Punch Van Party in Belize! Yay for no open container laws!

Plus

  •  New Years Eve with my mom’s family was boss! (Despite Justin Beiber’s terrible version of Let it Be…shudders at the thought)
  • Weather was nice, low 80s.
  • Buying dollar beers at a 7-11 in Cozumel (Best Chelada ever)
  • Cave Tubing and Zip Lining in Belize was super cool!
  • Rum Punch Van Party

Minus

  • The wind was high, and the water was rough.
  • I learned what it feels like to get sea sickness
  • I later learned what it feels like to get land sickness
  • I got a rash from my life vest in Belize (From friction…nothing gross)
  • Being nickled and dimed constantly to do fun extras made me feel poor.
  • Drunk family can be a hit or miss

Plus

  • The food was exquisite.
  • I didn’t gain too much weight because I was seasick!
  • There was a fight in the dining hall
  • I got to go to the beach for one day (I find it ironic that you spend seven days on the water but very little time in it unless you want to pay out the ass for a taxi!) .
  • I have tan lines. They are light, but they exist!
  • And finally…I was Aretha Franklin in the Carnival Legends Show!

Yes, that’s right. I auditioned for this karaoke on crack show. My parents were thrilled. Only one other chick from Ontario tried-out. Poor thing. Anyways, this was a fun  event to participate in because I got to go back stage and see a little bit behind the scenes. You know those hot dancers? Yeah. I got to get ready in their dressing room and saw all their neat costumes and wigs (and bras…lol). Each singer was given a dancer escort to literally walk them through their stage sets.  My guy was Dan, and he was a hottie. We all got costumes, and mine was clearly made for a black woman. I may have been the first white Aretha because I didn’t see one in the previous group photos.  Anyways, here is the video (I cut all the other people out. Just because I’m willing to show-off my embarrassing shenanigans doesn’t mean they want to. What happens on da boat stays on da boat!):

I felt like a little drag queen. My wig even fell off when the lights went out.
Now that’s what I call “Show Boating!!!”
Lol.

Now I’m back and ready to attempt 2012…we’ll see how that goes. At least my first week of this year was better than the first week of last year, right?

 

Posted in RuPauls Drag race, shenanigans, Troll face, Uncategorized, Vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Jobs? Pokemon? Gotta Catch ’em All!

Posted on December 29, 2011 by purrrentice

If any of you know me, you know that I’m ALWAYS looking for more work. I’ve always had at least two jobs since I was in college, and I like to collect any potential opportunities to success like pokemon. Skitty? Charizard? Magikarp? I don’t care. I gotta catch ’em all to be a career master. You never know when you may be able to evolve that crappy fish pokemon job into a Gyarados of a gig.

I mean, why have just one, high paying job when you can have 32 lesser ones like Uncle Rukus? Don’t put yo eggs all in one basket…unless it’s a sweet-ass basket. Then you should  stop while you’re ahead and enjoy that wicker paradise.

Look. We've even both worked at the movies!

So here is a list of all the doors my feet are shoved in right now:

1. Studio Assistant at an Acting Studio

2. Freelance Voice Over Talent

3. Writer & Social Media Admin for Gay Card Company (Like, cards for gay people. The cards are not gay as in lame. Gay as in gay. There’s a link in my sidebar. Check it out!)

4. Contributing Writer for Memini (I need to do more of these. Finished one today!)

5. Promotional Model for Marketing Company

6. Starting to do a Little Training to Record Auditions

7. Volunteer Voice Talent for My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Abridged (That’s slow going, but at least my lines and recordings of Rarity are spot-on.)

8. Novelist and Children’s Book Writer (I think I’m at 20+ rejections for my books, and I’m about to finally write that receptionist book I keep telling myself I’m going to do.)

Only eight? I’m getting lazy. I definitely need more work, but unfortunately for the cheap-ass world, I can no longer take-on free work. Okay, I would do favors for friends, but no more free jobs for people I don’t know. I’ve paid my dues writing free blogs and doing a six month, unpaid internship. I think more writing jobs and maybe a second part-time should do it. I would LOVE to finally get some regular voice over work. I’ll do whatever it takes to someday get a job that qualifies me to be a Pokemon Master!

Posted in Job hunting, MLP FiM Abridged, Rarity, Skitty, Voice acting, writing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment