PMS & Ponies

Oh snap! I fell off the horse with this Throwback: Prentice’s College Poetry Porgfolio blog series. Well, I’m back in the saddle, and speaking of falling off a horse, here is my newest Derpy Con South promo video:

BATMAN BEIGNETThe artwork was done by the talented, smart and beautiful Joie Brown. We got to work on a project together that we didn’t create ourselves. It was fun! This read was a challenge for me though. The lighter version of Beignet that was chosen was already a new character for me to develop alone, but now I had to make her do her own bad ass impression of Batman? I had to pull a Tim Gunn and make it work! And werk I did!

Now for the poem. We were supposed to do a series of themed poetry in class. I decided to do multiple forms with one consistent theme: PMS. I liked the idea so much that I continued the project with new forms we did in class, and here is what I turned-in at the end of the semester.

Premenstrual Syndrome

Chips

One day I wept
for a most unfortunate loss.
I wanted potato chips,
and the bag was empty

The Perfect Man

The perfect man loves me
for who I am.
He thinks I’m beautiful
every day.
He would stop at nothing
to satisfy me.
The perfect man is unafraid
to purchase tampons.

Cinquain Granny Panties

Cotton
Elastic torn
Ugly floral pattern
Girls wear them while boys dream of thongs
Panties

Inflation

When balloons are bloated with air,
it’s a gleeful and gladsome affair.
But when women inflate,
they’re irked and irate,
And when both burst they give quite a scare.

Uterine Woe

Uterine woe,
blow by blow, cramps
show no mercy

Female Foreboding
Featuring a quote from Dolly Parton’s PMS Blues

The end of the world has many signs,
Omens and plagues that intertwine,
But there’s something worse we can’t suppress
The God almighty, slap somebody
“Teeth a clenchin’, fluid retention
Head a swellin’, can’t stop yellin’
Moods a swingin’, tears a slingin’
Nothin’ fits me, when it hits me
Rantin’, ravin’, misbehavin’”
Wrath of PMS.

Balance Haiku

estrogen balance
makes me sweeter than cherries
bitter like lemon

Inopportune Romance

He wants to make love
I say “don’t even try”
and give him a shove

He then asks me why
I tell him “it’s girl stuff”
He creeps up my thigh

I state “that’s enough”
“My breast hurt. My back aches”
He makes sexy rebuffs

“This is a mistake”
He takes of my pants
“Oh for goodness sake”

Inopportune romance
is awkward love, yet
a great circumstance
One rarely regrets

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About purrrentice

Fantastic Voiceover? How About PRENTASTIC VOICEOVER?!?! I'm Prentice Osborne, a full-time, freelance voiceover talent out of Atlanta. My specialty is Millennial, teen and everything in between, and I work in multiple genres of VO, from e-learning to games to cartoons to radio and TV ads. I love the entire VO process, from pen to paper, mouth to mic, cursor to waveform. It's totally Prentabulous! Need some voice work? Bring it on, World! Freelance Prentice is here to blow your mind with laughs, creative magic, mad skills, and a little bit of razzle dazzle!
This entry was posted in Blues, Bronies, Derpy Hooves, Found Poem, Freelance Prentice, Funny Poetry, haiku, limerick, My Little Pony, parody, poetry, superhero, Warning Signs, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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