Today I’m going to commemorate one of the most impressive people I’ve ever seen within fifty feet of me. No. This person is no executive or manager or musical performer or superhero or anything like that. I’m talking about the Little Caesars sign spinner girl on Roswell Road.

I’ve always wondered about the science behind sign spinners. Do they actually increase business and brand awareness? Well, this girl answered my question, because I’ve seen her in the past (the most recent time a week ago), and she’s vividly on my mind. This girl is ridiculously ridiculous, and she, like me, takes creative license with even the most mundane, retarded, mindless work.

Not only does this girl hold a Little Caesars sign and spin it around. No. That is not enough to meet this girl and my standards of awesomeness. Instead of slouching, rolling her eyes or talking on her cell like most sign holders, she does more. Much more. The chick hula hoops, yo-yos, holds the sign gracefully AND smiles really big…all at the same time! If that doesn’t make you want to eat a five dollar, hot-n-ready, one topping pizza pizza, nothing will. It actually makes me want to buy her a pizza.

If I were a swanky, rich, successful CEO and saw her, I would make my driver stop the car in mid-traffic, and I would offer her a six figure salary to do whatever for my company. It doesn’t even matter what that “whatever” is because I already know this gal is gonna be a hot commodity once she ditches the pizza joint to chase her dreams.

Betch! You better learn to juggle!

Anyways, hopefully somebody will notice the Little Caesars girl inside of me someday (and notice her, too, of course!. Perhaps I should learn to juggle and do pole tricks. For now, here is another riveting song parody for you to enjoy:

Forget Food
To Forget You by Cee-Lo Green

I see you drivin’ round town,
without the food you love, and I’m like,
forget you! (Ooo ooo ooo!)
I guess your ham and cheese Hot Pockets wasn’t enough,
I’m like, forget you and,
forget your food.

Said, at 2:45 the cleaning goes live.
Ha! Now ain’t that some shhh…
And though there’s junk in the ice chest,
I still wish you the best. Don’t forget your food!

Baby, I’m sorry,
I threw out your calamari,
but by Monday it would be worse for wear.
I’ll l save your bento box,
but not your shari, fish and gari,
Throwing out fresh sushi seems unfair.

I pity the food that’s left behind by you!
Oooh! Well, I’ve got some news for you.
Yeah, go run and get your fruit smoothie blend.

I see you drivin’ round town,
without the food you love, and I’m like,
forget you! (Ooo ooo ooo!)
I guess your ham and cheese Hot Pockets wasn’t enough,
I’m like, forget you and,
forget your food.

Said, at 2:45 the cleaning goes live.
Ha! Now ain’t that some shhh…
And though there’s junk in the ice chest,
I still wish you the best. Don’t forget your food!