You may or may not remember the post I did about the ad I found in the mail for receptionist classes and my own Receptionist 101 Online Course. Well, these jerk wads somehow got my work email and have been spamming me lately with ads for more classes.

Lame…so lame.

I despise job-related scams and scammy but still legal things like this, so after letting three of these ads annoy me, I unscribed. They wanted to know why. My response:

“Why would anybody in his or her right mind want to pay to learn to improve on working the lamest job in an office? I feel sorry for people who actually think these classes will help them find success. Being a receptionist is tough, but I never felt a need to drop a hundred buckaroos to be lectured on how to effectively be an office slave. Maybe your ridiculous classes should focus on how to help poor admins stuck in a shitty job find more rewarding work or move-up in a company, not how to get deeper in the secretarial hole of busywork and dead-end jobs.”

If you’re wondering “How can I take my secretarial bad assery to the next level of awesome?” look no further. Save your hard-earned dough, and listen to what Miss Prentice has to say about conquering the front desk.

1. Looking Busy

This is a very important skill to have, if you want to avoid getting buried in other peoples’ busywork. I’ve been perfecting this since my days at AMC, sweeping imaginary popcorn to not look available. Remember, nobody’s paying attention to you at the front desk. You’re invisible, so as long as you’re typing and staring at a screen, you look busy. People probably think I’m doing something really important right now…

2. Peeing Fast

This is one of my many useless talents. I can go to the bathroom faster than boys, and it’s handy here at the office. I no longer get breaks, so I have to make potty time snappy. Before I was allowed to leave my desk unattended to relieve myself, I would time myself when I had to end my potty dance, and I can be there and back in less than a minute. Yeah. Be stunned and amazed.

3. Multi-tasking

My job is truly, truly truly outrageous!

When I say a receptionist needs to multitask, I don’t mean you should be juggling just work related work. I mean you need to make proper use of office hours for yourself.  If you are a truly, truly truly outrageous secretary, you can do everything you need to do in a day before leaving the office. For instance, I can job hunt, write a personal blog, do time sheets, paint my toes, chat with Joie on Facebook, sort the mail, answer phones, write a work blog, go grocery shopping, write a fridge poem, work on the MLP Abridged script, drink eight glasses of water and ship ten packages before clocking out for the day. If you take nothing else from this lesson, take this.

4. Saying No

I’m working on this one. Learn to say no when you can. Yes doesn’t seem to do any good. All it’s gotten me thus far is a pile of stupid work and a picture of the worst zit I’ve ever had on a makeup box. Heck. I said no yesterday. I was asked if I could wash my face with a wash that was still in development. I already was thinking no because I didn’t want to be bare faced all day, but then I saw a girl screaming “MY EYES!” Apparently eye irritation was what they were testing, but they didn’t want to tell me that. My answer? “Umm…no.”

5. Perks

There are a handful of perks to being a receptionist, but you must look hard to find them. For instance, I can print all kinds of stuff with the marketing-grade printer, and I never pay for postage. I also get first dibs on free stuff. Let’s not forget Friday grocery shopping from the fridge.